ACT: the path to a fulfilling and meaningful life
Accept your painful thoughts and feelings, be in the present moment and take values-based action.
👉 Are you tired of fighting your own thoughts and feelings?
👉 Does your life often feel empty and meaningless?
👉 Do you think you should be happy all the time?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a psychotherapeutic approach that focuses on creating a fulfilling and meaningful life by accepting your painful thoughts and feelings, being fully engaged in the present moment, and taking actions that are guided by your personal values and life purpose (no matter how you feel). In a satisfying life we do what really matters to us and we act in accordance with what we stand for. This will give us pleasant, but also uncomfortable feelings.
In ACT the aim is to accept unpleasant thoughts and feelings, rather than trying to get rid of or dominate them. This doesn’t mean you have to like these thoughts and feelings. It means you stop struggling with them, and use your mental energy to create the life you want. Acceptance is about acknowledging reality as it is, and letting go of the struggle with life as it is in this moment. The more fully you accept reality, the more effectively you can take action to change it.
The bottom line in ACT is always the same: Does this help you create the life you want? If something helps you do that, make use of it, and accept the short-term emotional discomfort that may come with it.
We are not made to be happy
Evolution has shaped our minds in such a way that we tend to suffer psychologically. Imagine you’re an early human hunter-gatherer. Your mind's main job is to help you reproduce successfully. To that end, it must help you stay alive in a world full of dangers. It is constantly looking for anything that could harm you: Is this situation safe or dangerous? Will my tribe cast me out if I can’t contribute enough? What if we can’t find enough food tomorrow? What if our rival tribe attacks us?
Happiness is not our natural state because our minds are simply not built for continuous happiness. As a result of our evolutionary history, we worry a lot about what could go wrong. There is nothing wrong with you if you feel unhappy every now and then. It is not a deficiency, it is part of being human. Don’t try to avoid or get rid of negative feelings. Perhaps you have experienced that the more you try, the more negative feelings you create and the more unhappy you become.
For more details see:
🔗 Why you are not made to be happy
🔗 Negativity bias: why you are addicted to bad news
Six core principles
ACT is based on six core principles.
Defusion
Defusion, also called Cognitive Defusion, is an acceptance strategy that helps you reduce the influence of unhelpful thoughts.
In ACT it’s not about thoughts being true or false, or positive or negative. What matters is whether they help you create the life you want. Ask yourself: Does this thought help me make the most out of life? Only believe thoughts that are helpful, and defuse thoughts that are unhelpful.
Defusion techniques help you create distance between you and your unhelpful thoughts. Defusion makes you see thoughts for what they really are: just words passing through your mind. By accepting unpleasant thoughts instead of actively fighting them, you stop struggling with them and can use your mental energy to create the life you want.
For more details on Defusion and its techniques see:
🔗 How to reduce the impact of unhelpful thoughts
🔗 How to let your thoughts come and go
Acceptance
Acceptance, also called Expansion, is an acceptance strategy that helps you make room for unpleasant feelings.
Acceptance means that you give your unpleasant feelings enough space so that they no longer impede you. Feelings are like the weather: they are always present and constantly changing. Making room for feelings allows them to move. By observing them it becomes clear what they are: small and harmless, just a stream of changing sensations and urges passing through your body.
To find happiness you may try to avoid or dominate your negative feelings, but the more you try, the more negative feelings you create. Mentally resisting difficult feelings generates unhelpful secondary feelings. For example, resisting your anxiety can generate feelings of anger or additional anxiety. These secondary feelings can in turn evoke even more unhelpful feelings. Resistance can lead to a vicious cycle of amplification.
By not mentally resisting difficult feelings, they remain at a natural level. By acknowledging and allowing them, rather than trying to get rid of or dominate them, you stop struggling with them and can use your mental energy to create the life you want.
The main goal is to engage in meaningful activities no matter how you feel. What are the major changes you would like to make in your life? What would you do if fear was no longer an issue?
For more details on Acceptance and its techniques see:
🔗 How to reduce the impact of unpleasant feelings
Present Moment Awareness
Present Moment Awareness, also called Connection, is about being fully present in the moment and seeing things as they are without mentally resisting them.
All too often our thoughts distract us from where we are and what we’re doing at that moment. We spend a lot of time worrying about the future, pondering the past, and judging the present moment. Present Moment Awareness means being fully aware of your here-and-now experience, and being interested in and open to that experience without judging it.
We only resist things when our thoughts tell us that they shouldn’t be the way they are, that reality is in the wrong. The more we resist unpleasant situations, the more unhelpful feelings we generate. Put aside your judgements and pay attention to direct experience. By being present and accepting what is, you can take meaningful actions that align with your values. The power to act only exists here and now.
For more details on how to connect to the present moment see:
🔗 How to connect to the present moment
Self as Context
Self as Context, also called the Observing Self, is a powerful aspect of human consciousness.
You have a Thinking Self, which thinks and judges, and an Observing Self, which is about attention and awareness. Observe what you are currently thinking. Who is observing? Observe the position your body is in. Who is observing? The Observing Self is the place from which you observe thoughts, feelings, sensations, actions etcetera. You can think of the Observing Self as the sky, while thoughts and sensations are like the weather.
The Thinking Self constructs stories about yourself that can block your awareness of the Observing Self. Changing perspectives can help you deconstruct these self-narratives, allowing you to connect with your Observing Self and with others in ways that are not distorted by your self-stories.
The key question is: Is this self-story helping you to create the life you want?
For more details on deconstructing self-stories see:
🔗 How to hold your self-stories lightly
Values
Values are about what matters most to you and what kind of person you want to be.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky: The secret of man’s being is not only to live, but to have something to live for. Friedrich Nietzsche: He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.
Values are about what you consider important to do (life purpose) and how you want to behave (personal values). Values give your life meaning and purpose. When you live by your values, you experience that life can be fulfilling and meaningful, even when bad things happen. A life focused on values is always more fulfilling than a life focused on goals, because focusing on values makes you appreciate the journey as you work toward your goals.
Figuring out what you value is one of the most important things you will ever do in your life. What makes life worth living for you? What is important to you? What are your most important values? What kind of person do you want to be?
Success in life means living according to your values. This means you can be successful right now.
For more details on determining what is important to you see:
🔗 How to figure out what to do with your life
🔗 How to figure out your personal values
🔗 What you think you want is not what you really want
Committed Action
Committed Action is about taking effective action to create a fulfilling and meaningful life.
You have little control over your thoughts and feelings, although you can reduce their impact. You have an enormous amount of control over your actions. You create a fulfilling and meaningful life by taking action in line with your personal values and life purpose. ACT is about engaging in meaningful activities, even when you are experiencing challenging thoughts and emotions.
Determine in which area of your life you are behaving least in line with your values, and then determine which values you want to work on. Guided by these values, set some concrete short-term goals for the next few weeks, some medium-term goals for the next few months, and some long-term goals for the next few years. Once you’ve identified your goals, break them down into a realistic action plan and write the plan down. Commitment means that when you stumble, you pick yourself up and keep going in the direction you want to go. If you don’t succeed at first, try again; if it still doesn’t work, try something else.
Ask yourself regularly: What is the smallest and easiest thing I can do today that aligns with my values?
Before choosing an action, ask yourself: Will this action move my life in the direction I want? Does this behaviour match the type of person I want to be?
For more details on actions see the techniques (⚒️) described in :
🔗 How to figure out what to do with your life
🔗 How to figure out your personal values
For techniques to increase the chance of achieving your goals see:
References
The happiness trap, by Dr Russ Harris
A Liberated Mind, by Steven C. Hayes, PhD
Buy the book at bol.com (affiliate link)
