Finding your life purpose: How to discover what you want to do in life
If you're unsure about what to do in life, try to discover your life purpose.
Are you unsure about your path in life?
Do you feel like you don’t have much to contribute?
Do you wonder if there’s more to life than this?
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We might go through times when we feel we lack purpose, especially during big life changes like finishing college, thinking about a new career, or retiring. These periods can make us question who we are and what we want to do, and this uncertainty can be unsettling.
Rate how strongly you feel about your life purpose with statements like:
👉 I have a clear direction in life.
👉 My daily activities feel meaningful and engaging.
👉 I have many reasons to live.
A low score on one or more of these statements might mean you’re unsure about your life purpose. This is normal and can be a chance to explore and grow. Embrace the journey of discovering your life purpose, as it can lead to significant personal growth and fulfillment.
Don't "should" yourself
Having a life purpose can be beneficial, but it's important not to put pressure on yourself by thinking that you "should" have one. Telling yourself you "should" do something can be unhelpful and might make you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or inadequate. It's okay if you don't feel the need to have a defined life purpose. Instead, try reframing those "shoulds" into "want to's." This simple change can help you approach finding your life purpose with curiosity and motivation, rather than feeling like it's an obligation, making the experience more enjoyable and genuine.
What is life purpose?
Your life purpose is the activities that make life meaningful and worthwhile for you. These activities make you feel that your life matters to you and others, giving you a sense of meaning and fulfillment. Your life purpose is your personal reason for being, your personal “why”. It’s your answer to questions like “What activities make my life worth living?” and “What important things do I want to spend my time doing?” Your life purpose usually includes several activities because there are likely many things you enjoy and find worthwhile, based on your interests and skills. The more, the better.
You are a social being, and your life is connected to others. To feel like your life is worthwhile, make sure your life purpose helps not only you but also something bigger, like your family, community, art, or nature. Include activities that positively impact others and are meaningful to you. Also, include experiences that are satisfying and important to you, such as enjoying music, appreciating art, connecting with nature, or having genuine conversations with others. For example, your life purpose might include raising your children to be independent and emotionally mature. It could also involve writing cookbooks to help people make healthier meals. You might also volunteer at a nursing home to help the elderly stay physically and mentally active.
Your life purpose is about what you feel is important to do with your time, not what others think you should do. Discovering your life purpose is a personal journey: it’s your life, so it’s your life purpose. Your life purpose can change over time, especially when your life changes a lot, like getting married, having a child, or retiring. It can also change because of life-changing experiences, like a serious accident or meeting someone inspiring. A life purpose isn’t like a goal that ends when you achieve it. A life purpose is ongoing.
Note that this definition of life purpose is about personal choice and growth, not a pre-set destiny. It focuses on discovering what matters to you throughout your life, rather than fulfilling a specific, pre-determined role. Your life purpose is flexible and evolves with your experiences, interests, and circumstances, rather than being fixed from birth.
Your personal values help you decide how you want to live your life and what kind of person you want to be. Life purpose is about what you do, while personal values are about how you do what you do. It’s the difference between what and how.
Why do many people often not know what to do with their lives?
Humans evolved over about two million years in small tribes, hunting and gathering food until around 12,000 years ago, when they started becoming farmers. For 99 percent of our history, humans were hunter-gatherers. This long period of living in tribes and finding food shaped how our minds work today and many of our psychological traits.
From a biological perspective, our main purpose is to reproduce. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors didn’t worry about questions like, “What do I want to do with my life?” or “Why do I do what I do?” Their focus was on surviving and reproducing in a challenging and dangerous world with predators and hostile neighboring tribes. They didn’t have much choice about how to spend their time. They foraged for food, hunted animals, made clothes, built shelters, and took care of their children.
We are hunter-gatherers living in a post-industrial world. Many of us no longer have to fight to survive because we don’t face predators, there’s plenty of food, and the welfare state provides a financial safety net. Life for many of us is complicated, with lots of choices about how to spend our time. Work full-time or part-time? Work in agriculture, the arts, manufacturing, or something else? Stay home with the kids, travel, pursue a hobby, volunteer, read, exercise, or play sports like tennis or football? The options are almost endless.
Many people are unsure about what to do with their lives because our brains are still wired like our hunter-gatherer ancestors and haven’t fully adjusted to modern life. There’s nothing wrong with us if we don’t know our life purpose. With so many choices, the best thing we can ask ourselves is, “What important things should I do with my time?”
Why is it important to have a life purpose?
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” (Friedrich Nietzsche)
Having a life purpose is important because it gives you something to live for. People who survived the terrible Nazi death camps were often not the physically strongest, but they had a purpose to keep going, like wanting to see their children again or write a book about their experiences. It wasn’t just about surviving; there needed to be a reason, or “why,” for survival. (Viktor Frankl, see References section)
Research shows that having a life purpose can greatly improve your physical and mental health. It can lead to a longer life, lower chances of heart attacks and strokes, fewer stress-related symptoms, slower decline in brain function as you age, and a lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease.
Having a life purpose helps keep you motivated. When you work on meaningful projects or activities, you’ll often face challenges, setbacks, and painful feelings. Having a life purpose makes you more resilient because you believe the struggle is worth it. For example, if your life purpose is to write history books, it’s easier to handle the long hours of research, the time spent alone writing, and feelings of self-doubt or fear of criticism, because you feel the work is important.
Having a life purpose is like having a compass, or a personal north star, that guides you in the right direction. It helps you decide how to use your limited money, time, and energy. It shows you which goals to focus on and helps you make conscious choices that match what you think is important. For example, it can help you decide which projects to take on at work and how to balance activities in your daily life. This makes your life simpler and less stressful.
Research shows that having a sense of purpose helps you stay emotionally steady during stressful and challenging times. It seems to reduce the negative effects of stress. People with a sense of purpose also stay emotionally balanced during positive events. Their feelings don’t change drastically based on what’s happening around them. They generally feel good regardless of their circumstances.
Having a life purpose gives you a way to measure success. Success is more about how you live your life than about material achievements. The more you live according to your life purpose (what you think is important to do) and your personal values (how you want to act), the more successful you are.
How can you discover what your life purpose is?
If you feel your life is fulfilling, you don’t need to figure out your life purpose. You probably have one without knowing it. For example, you take good care of your family, tend to your garden, and spend time with friends without realizing these activities are your life purpose.
But if you feel lost, think you have nothing to offer, or question if there’s more to life, it might help to figure out your life purpose. You can start by identifying activities you enjoy or think are important, reflecting on why they are enjoyable or meaningful to you, and then shaping your life purpose around that reflection.
1️⃣ Make a list of activities you enjoy or think are important
Use two or more of the following techniques to create a list of at least seven activities you enjoy or think are important. Write these down as you’ll need them for the next steps and for future reference. Be as specific as you can.
Include the following details in each description (not necessarily in this order):
· What you are doing (or did, or will do)
· Where you are (or were, or will be)
· Who else is there (or was, or will be) and what they are doing (or did, or will do)
· Any objects or devices you’re using, like a football, tablet, sailboat, or car
· How you feel (or felt, or expect to feel)
Grab a pen and paper, or open a document on your computer, write “Activities” at the top of a new page, and make your list using two or more of the techniques below.
👉 The 80-year-old you
Picture yourself at 80 years old, looking back on your life as it is now.
Write down your answers to these questions:
🤔 What activities have I spent too little time on?
🤔 If I could go back in time, what activities would I start doing or do more of?
Think of activities in different areas of life, like physical health, emotional health, work (paid or unpaid), hobbies, family, community life, or relationships. You can also think of activities related to life roles, such as being a parent, child, grandparent, friend, life partner, employee, colleague, citizen, coach, or mentor.
Examples:
💃 I didn't spend enough time salsa dancing with my partner, which is a shame because dancing and connecting with my partner makes me feel good.
🌳 If I could go back in time, I would take weekly walks in the woods near my house, alone or with others, to improve my fitness and reduce my stress.
🤝 I spent too little time hanging out with friends, connecting with them, and having a good time.
👉 Your peak experiences
Write down at least three times when you felt the following: the most joyful or happy, really alive, fully engaged, full of energy, at your best, completely yourself, totally fulfilled or satisfied, ecstatic, or in a state of flow (when time flew by).
Think of areas like school, study, work (paid or unpaid), hobbies, vacation, sports, community life, nature, family, or friends. You might have photos or journal entries to inspire you. Be honest and don’t make your experiences seem better than they were. Don’t judge yourself—there are no right or wrong feelings about your experiences. Try to include at least one time when you felt valuable to others, like in work, community, or relationships.
Examples:
🎨 I went to an exhibition of my favorite painter and was amazed by the beauty of the artworks. I was so absorbed in the paintings that I didn’t notice more than four hours had passed.
⚽ When I was young, I played soccer almost every afternoon with neighborhood kids. We got so caught up in the game that we lost track of time and were often late for dinner.
👉 Most worthwhile activities
At the end of each day for a few days or weeks, answer the question:
🤔 What did I do today that I thought was really worthwhile?
Write down the most valuable activity you did today. Focus on activities where you helped others, like at work, in the community, or in a relationship. This isn’t about what you loved to do; it’s about what was most meaningful to you.
Keep doing this until you have listed at least three activities that you found most worthwhile. If you don’t find anything meaningful for a few days, try new activities that you think might be meaningful. This could be hiking in nature, trying a new form of exercise or hobby, joining workshops on topics that interest you, or doing acts of kindness like volunteering at a homeless shelter or helping someone in need.
Examples:
🎓 I helped kids with math, like algebra and geometry, to improve their understanding of these subjects.
🍽️ I cooked a healthy meal for my family because I care about our health.
💵 I donated money to the food bank to help them provide food to people who are struggling financially.
👉 Only one year left to live
Imagine you had only one year left to live. What would you do in that year and who would benefit from it?
For example: If I only had one year left to live, I would …
📖 … write down my life lessons and share them with my family and friends so that they can learn from my insights and experiences.
🫂 … spend much more time with family and friends, and tell them how much they mean to me.
⚱️… take care of my financial affairs and plan my funeral so my family doesn’t have to handle it.
2️⃣ Reflect on your list of activities
You now have a list of at least seven activities that you like or think are important. Look over your list and answers these questions:
🤔 What makes these activities enjoyable or rewarding for me?
🤔 What do these activities have in common?
🤔 What can I learn about myself from these activities?
🤔 What patterns do I notice?
Be clear, specific and concrete in your answers. They can help you understand your life purpose better.
3️⃣ Formulate your life purpose
Using your list of activities and your reflections, write down what you think your life purpose activities are by answering the questions below. Imagine money and other circumstances are not an issue, and you’re not worried about what others think or trying to impress anyone. Your life purpose usually includes several activities, so list as many as you need. Aim for a mix of activities that make you personally satisfied and those that help others (some can do both). Also, make sure to include activities that take care of your own well-being and needs.
🤔 What important activities do I want to spend my time on? What activities do I think are really worth doing? What am I willing to give up, like time or money, for these activities? What challenges am I ready to face for these activities? How can I help solve a problem I care about?
🤔 Who or what do I want to do this for? Who or what would I like to help or serve?
🤔 What's the benefit for them (or for me)? What positive impact do I want to make?
Write down your life purpose activities in a way that includes the three parts above. For example:
I [an activity that you think is important to do with your time]
for [who or what you do this activity for]
to [the positive change for who or what you do this activity>.
Examples of life purpose activities:
🖊️ I write inspirational self-help books for teenagers to give them insights and tools to better handle negative emotions and navigate their lives more easily.
🖌️ I make beautiful paintings for art lovers to provide works of art that can be enjoyed for centuries.
🐶 I work at our local animal shelter to care for and protect stray, lost, and abandoned pets until they are reunited with their owners or adopted.
4️⃣ Reflect regularly on your life purpose
Every so often, like once a month, set aside time to reflect on your life purpose and update the activities if needed. During this reflection, consider what has changed in your life, what new interests you’ve discovered, and if there are any new ways you want to make a difference. Discovering your life purpose might take weeks or even months, so be patient—it’s worth the effort. Remember, your life purpose is an evolving journey, not a fixed destination.
How to live more in line with your life purpose
Knowing your life purpose isn’t enough; you need to act on it for it to make a difference. To live a good life, your actions should match what you value and find important. A meaningful life involves doing things that matter to you, not just activities that feel trivial or unimportant.
⚒️ Take small steps
Start with the smallest action you can do right now that fits with your life purpose.
Completing small tasks that align with your purpose helps you build momentum, feel a sense of achievement, boost your confidence, stay focused, and overcome procrastination and fear of failure. This positive cycle encourages you to keep acting in line with your life purpose.
So whenever you're unsure of what to do, ask yourself:
🤔 What is the smallest step I can take right now that aligns with my life purpose?
Then, go ahead and just do it!
⚒️ Align your choices with your life purpose
Let your life purpose guide your decisions about what activities to do. The clearer you are about what’s important to you and why, the more you can focus on improving your life. Choose projects at work and activities in your daily life that fit with what you value.
Before starting something new, ask yourself:
🤔 Does this project or activity fit with my life purpose?
Avoid taking on anything that doesn’t align with your life purpose, unless there’s a strong reason. Make sure your choices are intentional.
⚒️ Regularly check your alignment with your life purpose
Take some time, like once a month, to see if what you’re doing fits with your life purpose. Decide which activities you want to do more of and which ones you want to cut back on.
Ask yourself:
🤔 Which of my activities do not match my life purpose?
🤔 Which of these activities can I stop or do less of?
🤔 Which activities should I start or do more of?
Then, take committed action to live more in line with your life purpose.
Additional tips
👉 Practice self-compassion: Discovering your life purpose can be a challenging process. Self-compassion helps you treat yourself with kindness and understanding during moments of doubt or difficulty.
👉 Seek inspiration: Read books, watch documentaries, or listen to talks from people who have found their life purpose. Their journeys can provide insights and inspiration for your own.
👉 Get feedback: Talk to friends, family, or mentors about what they see as your strengths and interests. They might offer perspectives you haven’t considered.
👉 Take action: Start with small steps towards activities that interest you. Action often leads to clarity, and trying new things can help you figure out what resonates with you.
👉 Stay open-minded: Be open to new experiences and ideas. Life purpose can be found in unexpected places or activities you haven’t tried before.
👉 Be patient: Finding your purpose is a process that can take time. Don’t rush it; allow yourself the space to explore and reflect.
👉 Handle unhelpful thoughts and feelings: Defuse or question unhelpful thoughts and make room for difficult feelings, which can be particularly useful in navigating the uncertainties and anxieties that come with exploring your life purpose.
Remember, discovering your life purpose is a deeply personal journey. It’s about finding what makes you feel alive and fulfilled.
References
The happiness trap, by Dr Russ Harris
Man's Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl
Designing Your Life, by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans
7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose, by Mark Manson,
Happiness 2.0: Cultivating Your Purpose, Hidden Brain, by Shankar Vedantam, featuring Anthony Burrow
What Gives Life Purpose?, Psychology Today, by Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD, ABPP
My blog posts about life design can be found via this link:
https://www.a3lifedesign.com/blog-english/category/Life+Design
