How to connect to the present moment
How to be more mentally present in your life and engage in activities that you find valuable.
Are you regularly physically present somewhere, but mentally absent because you are distracted by your thoughts?
Then read on to learn how to connect to the present moment when you find yourself distracted by your thoughts.
Being physically present, but mentally absent
We all regularly experience being physically present somewhere but mentally absent because our thoughts distract us from what we are doing and where we are. For example, instead of listening to someone, enjoying the scenery, or paying attention to the road while driving, our attention is focused on our thoughts. We may be thinking about personal issues, when to do our laundry, or what to eat for dinner. Or we may be worrying about the future, reflecting on past mistakes, daydreaming or fantasising.
Most of the day we don't give our full attention to what we are doing at that moment. When was the last time you gave your full attention to the food you were eating? Or to the warm water that was running down your body while showering? Or to your bodily sensations while making love to your partner? The more you allow yourself to be distracted by your thoughts, the less you’re engaged in what you are doing at that moment.
The ability to perform tasks without paying full attention to them has its advantages. It allows us to use our thinking ability for other tasks, such as thinking through problems, planning our activities for tomorrow, listening to an informative podcast, or clarifying our thoughts on a particular topic. But all too often, it prevents us from being fully present and connected to ourselves, our family and friends, and the world around us.
Being judgemental
Evolution has provided us with a built-in negativity bias to increase our chances of survival. Therefore, we tend to worry about possible future problems and reflect on past negative experiences to prevent them from happening again. And when we think about the present moment, we tend to be judgemental and dissatisfied.
Judging things as bad, wrong, unfair or unsatisfactory leads us to mentally resist them. Judgements are thoughts. Our mind tells us that things shouldn't be as they are, and that we would be better off if they were different. It tells us that we shouldn't be as we are, and that we would be happier and more successful if we were different. And it tells us that we shouldn’t be doing what we’re doing, and that we would find life more interesting and fulfilling if we did something different.
This constant tendency towards the negative can drain our energy. And our negative judgements about ourselves and our experiences obscure our view of the world and disconnect us from our current reality.
Why is it important to be mentally present?
Being present means we are fully in touch with our experience in the present moment, without being distracted by our thoughts. It means that our attention is fully focused on the here and now, without judging what we are experiencing (since judgements are thoughts).
The less we are present, the more we miss of the only life we have. Lost in thought, we don't hear the birds chirping, we don't see the beautiful nature around us, we don't notice our children growing up, and we don't connect completely with the people we love.
The only moment in which we can take action is the present moment. The past is over and the future is not yet here. Taking effective action that creates a meaningful life requires us to be present so that we are fully aware of what is happening and how we want to respond.
When we focus our full attention without judgement on unpleasant tasks, they often (not always) turn out to be less unpleasant than we imagined, as many unpleasant feelings arise from our own thinking rather than from the tasks themselves. You can experience this for yourself by giving your full attention without judgement to some tasks that you find unpleasant or boring, such as washing the dishes, vacuuming, ironing clothes, or doing the accounting.
When we fully connect with everyday experiences, we often see them in new and interesting ways. You can experience this yourself by choosing a routine activity, such as brushing your teeth, taking a shower, eating breakfast, combing your hair, or going for a walk. Imagine you are an alien who has never done this activity before. Focus your full attention on the activity you are doing. Pay attention to all your senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. When your attention wanders, gently bring it back to the activity.
How can we connect to the present moment?
The technique below describes how to connect to the present moment when we find ourselves distracted by our thoughts, and then consciously choose how we want to move forward .
Related: My blog post ‘How to let your thoughts come and go’ teaches you how to improve doing that. And my blog post ‘How to reduce the impact of unhelpful thoughts’ is relevant for judgements, as judgements are thoughts.
⚒️ Connect to the present moment and continue in a valued direction
When you become aware that you are being distracted by your thoughts, follow the steps below. This only takes a few seconds, so no one needs to notice you're doing this.
1️⃣ Connect to the present moment
Take one or two slow, deep breaths and fully focus on your breathing. Notice the air flowing in and out of your nose. Feel your chest rising and falling. Notice your belly expanding and contracting. This connects you to the present moment.
2️⃣ Decide what is most important to you right now
Answer for yourself the question
🤔 What is most important to me right now?
This is about connecting with who you want to be and what sort of life you want to create. For example, the most important thing for me right now is to actively listen to what is being said, contribute to the meeting, give my children my undivided attention, connect with my partner in a loving way, or behave respectfully.
3️⃣ Continue in your valued direction
Consciously proceed in a way that fits with what is most important to you right now and give it your full attention.
⚒️⚒️⚒️
If after a while you get distracted by your thoughts again (which you certainly will), just repeat this procedure. Again and again. As a result, you will be more present in your life and more engaged in activities that take your life in the direction you want.
References
The happiness trap, by Dr Russ Harris
