Handling ambiguous social situations
Reframe negative interpretations into more positive perspectives.
Do you often interpret ambiguous social situations in a negative way?
Do you believe your interpretations of social situations are always correct?
Do you consider alternative explanations when faced with ambiguous social interactions?
✳️✳️✳️
Have you ever said hello to a colleague at work as they walked by, only to have them ignore you and keep walking? What went through your mind, and how did that make you feel? You might have felt hurt or rejected, thinking they were being rude or dismissive. On the other hand, you might have felt neutral or understanding, thinking they were just preoccupied or didn't notice you.
Our lives are full of ambiguous situations like these. For example, you might send a message to a friend, see that they've read it, but not get a reply for hours. You could wonder if they're upset with you, or just busy and unable to respond. Or, you might discover that some of your coworkers went out for lunch without inviting you. You might feel left out and think they don't like you, or you could assume it was a last-minute plan and they didn't have time to invite you. How we interpret these moments can have a big impact on our relationships and overall happiness.
When we tend to see ambiguous situations in a negative light more often than a positive one, we have a negative interpretation bias. For instance, if we frequently assume that our colleagues are ignoring or disliking us, or that a friend is upset with us, we might feel awful and start distancing ourselves from them. Over time, these negative interpretations can lead to self-doubt, making us worry that something is wrong with us, or fear that we're not good enough and unlovable. As a result, people might stop interacting with us, which would mean that we have unintentionally created the future we were trying to avoid.
People who often view unclear social situations negatively tend to feel more depressed and socially anxious. The more they feel this way, the more likely they are to interpret situations negatively and resist changing their interpretations, even when new evidence suggests a more positive outlook. This might happen because they have a habit of thinking things like, "That's just an exception," which makes them devalue evidence that things might not be as bad as they think.
Biases involved
👉 Negativity bias can play a role in this process, as it leads people to focus more on negative interpretations.
👉 WYSIATI (What You See Is All There Is) bias leads people to form conclusions based solely on the information immediately available to them, often neglecting to consider other possible explanations or missing information that could provide a more balanced view.
👉 Confirmation bias plays a role by causing people to seek out and remember information that supports their negative interpretations while ignoring evidence that contradicts them.
👉 The availability heuristic can play a role by making people more likely to recall and focus on past negative experiences, thus overestimating the likelihood of negative outcomes in similar situations.
Handling ambiguous social situations
Just because someone often sees things negatively doesn’t mean they’re doomed to feel depressed or anxious. They can avoid these feelings if they rethink their negative views when there's evidence showing things might not be so bad.
⚒️ Treat your interpretations as hypotheses
It's important to understand that the way you interpret ambiguous situations is just a story you tell yourself, not the actual truth. Think of your interpretations as hypotheses rather than facts. For example, instead of assuming your friend is upset with you or that your colleagues don’t like you, consider that there might be other explanations and that getting more information would help you be more sure. Adopting this approach can be helpful for everyone, but it might be especially beneficial for those dealing with depression or social anxiety.
Here are the steps to re-evaluate your interpretations:
👉 Notice and clearly define the ambiguous situation you're interpreting. For example, figure out if you’re unsure whether a friend is upset or if colleagues are ignoring you.
👉 Accept your first interpretation as a story or hypothesis, not a fact.
👉 Think about other possible reasons for what happened. For example, your friend might be busy, or your colleagues might have had a last-minute change of plans.
👉 Look for more information that can help you understand the situation better. This could mean asking the person involved about their feelings or paying closer attention to their behavior.
👉 Based on the new information, rethink your initial interpretation. See if your updated view makes more sense or if your first thought was too negative.
👉 Change your behavior or attitude according to the new understanding. If your fears were not justified, you might feel more relaxed and less anxious.
👉 After things are settled, think about what happened and what you learned. Consider how this process can help you handle similar situations better in the future.
👉 If you’re still unsure about your interpretation or how to deal with the situation, ask a trusted friend or counselor for their perspective.
⚒️ The 4-Questions Technique
This technique helps you reconsider unhelpful thoughts by asking yourself these four questions:
🤔 Why do you believe this thought is true? What evidence supports it? Think about the facts or reasons that make you believe this thought.
🤔 Can you identify this thought as a kind of thinking bias? Consider if you're making a thinking error, like assuming the worst without evidence ("jumping to conclusions") or seeing things in extremes ("black-and-white thinking").
🤔 What are the consequences of the thought? Reflect on how this thought impacts your feelings, actions, and overall well-being.
🤔 What are some alternative ways to view the situation? Think of different, more balanced or positive perspectives you could take on the situation. See if these new perspectives make as much sense as or more sense than your original one.
Additional tips
👉 Practice self-care: Treat yourself with the same care and compassion you would offer a best friend. Practice mindfulness to focus on the present and stay aware of your thoughts and feelings. This can help you notice when you're jumping to conclusions. Defuse or question negative thoughts and make space for difficult feelings.
👉 Keep a journal: Write down your thoughts and feelings about ambiguous situations. This can help you track patterns in your thinking and reflect on how your interpretations change over time.
👉 Practice nonviolent communication: Use nonviolent communication techniques to express your needs and feelings clearly and empathetically.
References
How Do We Interpret Ambiguous Social Events?, Psychology Today, by Jutta Joormann Ph.D.
Challenging Unhelpful Interpretations in Daily Life, Psychology Today, by Jonas Everaert Ph.D.
New Insights Into Feeling Socially Anxious, Psychology Today, by Jonas Everaert Ph.D.
