Improve how you feel by changing your focus
What you focus on shapes your emotional state.
Life throws all kinds of challenges our way —everything from bad weather and personal struggles to global issues. Often, we make things harder for ourselves by adding emotional suffering simply because of where we focus our attention. This drains our energy, leaving us with less to make positive changes in our lives or the lives of others.
What we focus on determines the information actively available to our mind. Our mind works with both the memories we retrieve and what we notice around us. It can’t take into account information we don’t remember or the details from the outside world that we’re not paying attention to. Based on the information at hand, our mind creates the most coherent story it can. However, when the information is incomplete or inadequate, our mind often fills in the gaps by jumping to conclusions based on the limited evidence it has.
Several cognitive biases contribute to a negative perception of the world, ourselves, and others. Due to our negativity bias, we tend to focus more on negative aspects than positive ones. The focusing illusion makes us overestimate their importance simply because we’re focused on them. The WYSIATI (What You See Is All There Is) bias prevents us from seeking out positive aspects. Once we form a negative belief, confirmation bias leads us to favor information that supports it.
What we focus on has a big impact on how we feel. Focusing too much on negative aspects and experiences can harm our emotional well-being by creating a distorted view of reality that highlights what's wrong, instead of what's going well. For example, we might focus on our mistakes, what we think we lack, or the negative parts of our lives, and be hard on ourselves with negative self-talk. We might worry about things that may never happen or constantly dwell on the world’s problems while consuming too much negative news. These habits can lead to feelings of fear, stress, anxiety, anger, sadness, depression, hopelessness, or helplessness. They might also cause us to isolate ourselves, making it harder to see the opportunities and connections that could bring us joy, purpose, and relief from our struggles.
When we choose to focus on positive aspects and experiences, we create a more balanced view of reality that highlights what's going well. For example, we might focus on our successes, what we're grateful for, or the good things in our lives, and practice positive self-talk. We might focus on solutions instead of problems, or stay informed without getting overwhelmed by negative news. These habits can lead to feelings of hope, calm, happiness, confidence, and resilience. This gives us the energy to take committed action that aligns with our life purpose and personal values.
How to change your focus
Changing where you focus your attention can have a big impact on how you feel and act. Here are several simple techniques to help you shift your focus in a positive direction.
⚒️ Become aware of where your focus is
Becoming aware of where your attention is can help you better manage how you feel and act. Here are some simple questions to help you figure out where your focus is right now:
🤔 Am I fully present in the moment?
Check if your attention is focused on what’s happening right now, or if it’s drifting to the past, the future, or being divided by other distractions.
🤔 What am I thinking about right now?
Paying attention to your thoughts can help you understand where your focus is, and how it’s affecting your feelings and actions.
🤔 Am I focusing mostly on negative things?
Take a moment to assess if your attention is stuck on negative thoughts or situations.
⚒️ Balance your perspective
If you find yourself focusing too much on negative thoughts, balance your perspective by also focusing on the positive. For example, if you’re stuck thinking about past mistakes, remind yourself of opportunities for growth and learning. If you're worrying about a future situation, think about ways it could turn out better than you expect. If you’re focusing mostly on the negative side of a situation or person, make a list of the positives to get a more balanced view. Balancing your perspective can make a big difference in how you feel and act.
⚒️ Practice mindfulness
Try mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, scanning your body for tension, and paying attention to your thoughts and feelings. These practices help you stay focused on the present moment, which can break the cycle of focusing on negative thoughts.
⚒️ Practice gratitude
Balance your focus on negative things by also paying attention to what you’re grateful for. To build gratitude, try keeping a daily gratitude journal or writing down three things you appreciate at the start or end of each day.
⚒️ Focus on what you can control
Spending time and energy on things you can’t control is wasteful because you can’t act on them. Worrying about things you can’t control, like past mistakes or future uncertainties, can lead to stress, anxiety, and feelings of powerlessness. Instead, accept what you can’t control and put your energy into what you can control.
Additional tips
👉 Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when you focus on negative things. Recognize that it's natural, and treat yourself with the same care and compassion you would offer a best friend.
👉 Engage in positive activities: Spend time doing things that make you feel good or fulfilled, such as exercising, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing a hobby. These activities naturally shift your focus to positive experiences.
👉 Set clear personal goals: Knowing what you want to focus on can make it easier to stay on track. Set small, achievable personal goals to guide your attention and give yourself a sense of purpose.
References
Thinking, Fast and Slow, by Daniel Kahneman
The happiness trap, by Dr Russ Harris
