How to handle name-calling during discussions
Effective strategies for handling derogatory labels during debates.
Have you ever been given an insulting or demeaning label during a discussion?
How did you respond to this name-calling?
What impact did the name-calling have on you?
✳️✳️✳️
Words have power over us. They can shape our perceptions, distort our understanding of reality and evoke emotional reactions. In discussions–whether online or offline–about sensitive topics like immigration, racial equality, gender issues, abortion, political correctness, or religious beliefs, emotions can run high. Due to our tendency to think in black-and-white, we often regard people whose opinions differ from ours as stupid and evil, viewing them as the kind of individuals we would prefer to avoid. This mindset can result in name-calling or the use of derogatory labels and insults to discredit, belittle or hurt our ideological opponents, such as
👉 Racist, fascist, sexist, extremist,
👉 Homophobe, transphobe, Islamophobe,
👉 Quack, Neo-Nazi, science denier, covidiot, deplorable, bigot.
Most of these labels have lost much of their meaning due to overuse and misuse in public discourse. Once powerful descriptors of extreme ideologies and behaviors, these terms are now often applied too broadly and carelessly. This dilution has made it harder to identify and address genuine instances of serious issues, reducing these labels to mere tools for silencing or discrediting opponents in heated debates.
If you've ever been called names during a discussion, you probably know how awful it can feel. Name-calling is a form of bullying, often used to try to exert power or control over you. How should you respond when someone calls you names during a debate?
How to handle name-calling maturely
To stand up for yourself and protect your mental health, handle name-calling during debates maturely by considering the following strategies.
👉 Understand name-calling tactics: Name-calling isn't about engaging in argumentation; it's about trying to silence you and making you feel inferior through attacks on your identity or personality traits. Opponents tend to resort to insults when they realize they can't win the discussion with their arguments. This tactic distracts from the actual discussion and makes the name-callers feel superior. It is used to undermine your position and reputation, avoiding the need to address your arguments. Stay focused on your views, and remember that others’ words do not define your worth or character.
👉 Don’t take it personally: The goal of name-calling is to provoke an emotional reaction, such as anger or defensiveness. This can derail the discussion and put you on the defensive, distracting from the main topic. By not taking it personally, you prevent them from achieving their goal. Remember, everyone has flaws and nobody is perfect. Their words are not a reflection of your worth or character. Just because someone assigns you a label does not make that label true. Someone calling you a “potato” doesn’t make you one.
👉 Respond with calmness: If you choose to respond, do so calmly and assertively, in a nonviolent way. If necessary, take a few slow, deep breaths to connect to the present moment and make room for your feelings. Address the argument, not the insult. This approach shows maturity and helps to keep you stay focused on the topic of discussion. By maintaining composure, you demonstrate that you are above the pettiness of name-calling.
👉 Continue to speak up: Avoid letting name-calling silence you. It’s important to continue expressing your views in line with your personal values. Shutting down only lets the name-calling win. By staying engaged and articulating your perspective, you show that you’re focused on meaningful dialogue rather than getting derailed by insults.
👉 Be true to your life purpose: When you’re clear about the important reasons behind your cause or position, it becomes easier to endure name-calling and keep voicing your point of view. Staying grounded in your purpose helps you maintain confidence and resilience, even in the face of negativity.
👉 Understand what name-calling reveals about the name-caller: It often indicates a person's insecurity, as they may feel threatened and use derogatory language to assert dominance or deflect attention from their own vulnerabilities. This behavior also suggests a lack of emotional maturity and an inability to engage in constructive and respectful dialogue. Additionally, it can highlight an intolerance for differing opinions and an unwillingness to engage in open-minded discussion. What you are accused of may even apply more to the name-caller than to you.
Additional tips
👉 Handle negative thoughts and feelings: Being called names can activate painful thoughts and feelings. Defuse or question these painful thoughts, and allow yourself to feel difficult feelings without judgment.
👉 Use nonviolent communication: Address the name-calling by expressing your feelings and linking these feelings to your unmet needs.
👉 Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when someone calls you names. Treat yourself with the same care and compassion that you would offer to a best friend.
🎉👏🎈
In summary, name-calling is a common tactic in heated debates designed to undermine and provoke. By understanding its intent, not taking it personally, staying focused, responding calmly, and being true to your personal values and life purpose, you can handle these situations with maturity.
References
Do Name-Calling and Ignoring Facts Work?, Psychology Today, by Daniel R. Stalder Ph.D.
