Assessing the importance of situations and decisions
Determine what truly matters and what doesn’t.
How often do you stress over things that turn out to be unimportant in the long run?
Do you find it hard to stop worrying about things that don't really matter?
Curious to learn how to figure out what's really worth your time and focus?
✳️✳️✳️
You might tend to get upset or worry about things that later turn out to not be very important. For instance, when a colleague doesn't say hello, receiving a negative comment on your presentation, getting cut off in traffic, not getting an immediate reply to a message, or realizing someone left you out of a group invitation. In the moment, these situations can feel upsetting or worrying, but with time, you often see they had little lasting effect— you might even have forgotten about them the next day. When you let these small, fleeting events get to you, it can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. The more attention you give to things that don’t truly matter, the less mental energy you have for what does.
When you’re caught up in something that’s upsetting or worrying, it’s easy for it to take over your thoughts. But before you let it spiral, it’s helpful to step back and ask yourself how much this situation really matters. Putting things in perspective can stop you from obsessing over things that aren’t worth your time. If, after stepping back, you realize it does matter, then it’s time to take action—whether that means addressing the situation right away or making a plan to move forward. By focusing on what truly matters, you’ll handle the situation with more clarity and less stress.
A strong reaction to an unimportant situation can happen when you’re already feeling stressed, tired, or overwhelmed. In these moments, even minor problems can feel like a big deal. If you’ve struggled with something similar before, you might react more strongly because you fear the same negative outcome. And when a situation feels personal, like a challenge to your personal values or identity, it’s easy to get upset. Sometimes, unrealistic expectations or wanting things to go perfectly can also make small problems feel bigger than they are.
Decisions
Just like with situations, don’t fret over unimportant decisions. Many of the choices we face every day are low-stakes, yet we can often get bogged down in overthinking them. Whether it’s which shirt to wear, what show to watch, or whether to reply with a text or a voice message, these decisions are unlikely to have a lasting impact. The more you give attention to the unimportant stuff, the less mental space you have for what truly matters. Save your energy for the decisions that truly shape your life, well-being, relationships, and goals.
What truly matters
So, what truly matters? It’s about focusing on what aligns with your life purpose (what you want to do in life), personal values (how you want to live), and goals (what you want to achieve). It means making choices that have a positive, lasting impact on your well-being, happiness, and relationships. It’s about being present, enjoying everyday moments, valuing what you have, and fulfilling your basic psychological needs of autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Finding balance between working toward what matters for the future and appreciating the present helps create a fulfilling life.
What matters to you may change over time, and that's okay. Being open to adjusting your focus as you grow and learn is also an important part of living a fulfilling life.
How to determine how important something is
A simple way to gauge the importance of a situation or decision is to sort it into one of three categories:
1️⃣ Trivial - Minor annoyances or decisions that have no lasting impact, like someone cutting you off in traffic, a slow reply to a text, or deciding what to wear for a casual day at home.
2️⃣ Moderate – Situations or decisions that need attention but won’t significantly impact your life, such as missing a deadline at work without major consequences, resolving a misunderstanding with a friend, or deciding whether to go out or stay home to catch up on responsibilities.
3️⃣High – Situations or decisions with major long-term consequences for your well-being, happiness, relationships, or goals, like deciding to move to a new city, buy a home, or dealing with a serious relationship or health issue.
Personal values play a crucial role in determining importance. What may seem trivial to one person could be moderate or high to another, depending on their values. For example, a missed deadline might not matter much to someone who values work-life balance, but it could be significant to someone who prioritizes career success. Your values are a compass for assessing what’s worth your time and energy, and what’s not.
To decide whether a situation or decision is trivial, moderate, or high, consider the following (keeping your personal values in mind, as they guide what matters most to you):
👉 Trivial – It won’t matter tomorrow, and doesn’t affect your long-term well-being, happiness, relationships, or goals.
👉 Moderate – It won’t matter in a few weeks or months, and doesn’t have a lasting impact on your well-being, happiness, relationships, or goals.
👉 High – It will still matter in years to come, and has a significant impact on your long-term well-being, happiness, relationships, or goals.
If you prefer, you can simplify things by combining the trivial and moderate categories into one low category. This reduces complexity while still helping you distinguish between unimportant situations and decisions (the low category), and significant, long-term ones (the high category).
Related articles
If something turns out to be a less important situation, Dealing with stress from everyday hassles offers several ways to reduce the stress it can cause, for example by reframing, letting go, shifting your focus or changing your behavior. Maximize your productivity using the Eisenhower Matrix uses the importance and urgency of tasks to determine what truly matters, and The Decision Matrix: Prioritizing decisions by their impact uses the consequentiality and reversibility of decisions to determine their impact.
Additional tips
👉 Focus on what you can control: Can you do something about what you're worrying about? If yes, take action if needed. If not, worrying only drains your energy.
👉 Seek an outside perspective: Talking to a trusted person can help you see if you're overestimating the importance of something.
👉 Take a step back: If possible, distance yourself from the situation for a while. If it still matters after some time, it may be more important than you originally thought. If it fades away, it was likely trivial.
👉 Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when you overestimate the importance of a situation or decision. Remember, it’s okay not to be perfect. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a good friend.
References
-
