The reciprocity principle: Understanding the power of gifts and favours
We have a strong tendency to feel obligated to reciprocate favours received.
When you receive a favour, do you feel a strong obligation to someday repay it?
Even if you didn't ask for the favour?
Even if you didn’t want the favour?
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The reciprocity principle is our strong tendency to feel obligated to reciprocate favours received.
For example, when someone gives us a gift, we often feel obligated to give a gift in return. If a friend helps us move, we are after that inclined to help her with something. Or when someone invites us to a party, we often feel obligated to invite that person to one of our parties.
This psychological bias is also called reciprocity tendency or reciprocity bias. This bias influences decision-making and social interactions, sometimes causing individuals to feel compelled to return a favour, even if the initial favour was unsolicited or unwanted. Of course, this principle is not so strong that it will work in all cases.
In early human societies, cooperation was crucial for survival. The reciprocity principle allowed our early human ancestors to share resources such as food with others, knowing that the favour would be repaid in the future. This meant they could give things to others without actually giving them away. Individuals could initiate reciprocal relationships without fear of loss. This adaptive mechanism, unique to humans, allowed for the development of division of labour and trade, which brought enormous benefits to human societies that applied this principle.
To ensure that members of society adhere to this principle, there is a general aversion to freeloaders who take but make no effort to give back. To avoid external shame, we often go out of our way not to be seen as a scrounger. We don’t like to feel the unpleasant psychological burden of debt. That’s why we will generally avoid asking for a favour if we can’t repay it.
Exploitation of the reciprocity principle
As with all biases, the reciprocity principle usually works well. But our strong tendency to feel obligated to repay favours, even unsolicited and unwanted ones, can be exploited by people who understand the power of the reciprocity principle.
Some examples:
👉 In an area frequented by tourists, you may be approached by a friendly-looking person who offers you a small gift, such as a cheap bracelet. This has happened to me many times, most recently in Monastiraki Square in Athens. Such a person often emphasises that it is a free gift. But when you accept the gift, the person will usually insist that you reciprocate the gift with some money, and may cause a scene if you refuse. The best way to prevent such a scene is to politely decline the offer and just keep walking.
👉 Organisations can significantly increase the likelihood that people will do what the organisation wants by first doing them a small unsolicited favour. Nonprofits often include a small gift in their donation requests and make it explicitly clear that this is a gift. This increases the number of donations, because some people will feel obliged to reciprocate the gift with a donation. Companies can greatly increase sales by offering free samples or trial versions of their products. People who accept the free offer tend to feel obligated to reciprocate the gift by making a purchase from the company, even if they don't particularly like the product. Survey researchers significantly increase survey completion rates by including a small monetary gift with their questionnaires. Restaurants increase the tip given by customers by including mints or candies with the bill.
👉 Companies and individuals try to influence the opinions and decisions of politicians and officials by offering them financial contributions and gifts, such as free tickets to popular events. The givers naturally expect the recipients to return these favours, even though both parties will argue passionately that this is not the case. That’s why there are legal restrictions against such gifts and favours.
👉 In their attempts to influence research results in favour of their interests, pharmaceutical companies sometimes provide scientists with financial support or free invitations to conferences at attractive locations. This practice can distort scientific results and mislead the public or healthcare professionals about the true efficacy or safety of certain products.
👉 When a man gives a woman expensive gifts or pays for her drinks, the woman may feel an uncomfortable sense of obligation to return these favours. By refusing gifts and paying for her own drinks, she can avoid this unpleasant feeling.
Reciprocal concessions
The reciprocity principle also works in the area of concessions: we have a strong tendency to feel obliged to make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us. For example, if one party makes a concession during negotiations, the other party may feel obligated to make a concession in turn to maintain a sense of fairness. Or if a seller lowers the price in a real estate deal, the buyer may reciprocate by being more flexible with the terms or agreeing to a faster closing date.
A simple technique that consciously uses an initial concession is the rejection-then-retreat technique. To increase the likelihood that someone will agree to a particular request, you first make a larger request that will most likely be turned down. After this request is rejected, you make the smaller request that you are really interested in. Rejection followed by retreat. If you manage to make the smaller request look like a concession, the other party will be more likely to feel obliged to make a concession themselves by agreeing to the second request. This technique not only increases the chance that someone will agree to your desired request. The concession you have made makes the other person feel more responsible for and satisfied with the final agreement.
For example, labour negotiators often start with exaggerated demands from which they can then retreat to obtain real concessions from the other side. In addition to the reciprocity principle, this technique also uses the contrast principle to make the smaller request appear even smaller than it actually is by contrasting it with the larger request.
How to reduce the impact of the reciprocity principle
The reciprocity principle often encourages you to reciprocate favours even when it may not be in your best interest. Protecting yourself from the negative consequences of biases can be tiresome, but it can be worth it when the stakes are high.
⚒️ Become aware of the reciprocity principle
Becoming aware of the potential influence of the reciprocity principle is the first step in reducing its impact.
When you make an important or costly decision, take a step back to examine whether the reciprocity principle could influence the decision. Ask yourself questions such as:
🤔 Do I feel obligated to reciprocate? Evaluate whether you're considering this decision primarily because someone did something for you.
🤔 Would I make the same choice without the prior favour? Consider whether you'd choose the same path if no previous favours were involved.
🤔 Is this decision truly aligned with my life purpose and personal values? Assess whether the decision aligns with what you genuinely want or need, separate from any previous favours received.
🤔 Does this decision create genuine value or benefit for me? Assess whether the decision primarily benefits you or whether it's more about fulfilling an obligation.
🤔 What are the long-term consequences of this decision? Think about the long-term consequences beyond the immediate need to reciprocate a favour.
If you become aware that the reciprocity principle may influence your decision, take steps to mitigate its effects, allowing for a more objective evaluation of your options.
⚒️ Focus on fairness
Take a moment to step back and objectively assess the situation. Consider what's fair in the situation, rather than feeling obligated to reciprocate a favour. If necessary, consult someone not influenced by the initial favour to get an objective, outside view.
While reciprocity in itself isn't negative, it's essential to differentiate between genuine favours and those designed to exploit the reciprocity principle for personal gain. For example, a salesperson who offers an unsolicited gift or favour before pitching a product or service. Or someone who consistently does you favours, with the underlying expectation that you will return the favours by meeting particular demands. In such cases, fairness may mean not granting the other person any favours in return, to counter the manipulation and maintain your autonomy in decision-making.
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The reciprocity principle underscores how our strong tendency toward reciprocity shapes social harmony and cooperation, and creates a network of mutual obligations. This tendency influences our decisions and interactions in profound but often unnoticed ways.
References
Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion, by Robert B. Cialdini PhD
Reciprocation Bias, Farnam Street, https://fs.blog/reciprocation-bias/
Honoring the Rule of Reciprocation, by Linda and Charlie Bloom,
My blogposts about influence are available here:
https://www.a3lifedesign.com/blog-english/category/Influence
