Reflect daily
Reflect on your everyday experiences to enhance personal growth.
Do you want to get better at managing your feelings but find it difficult to make progress?
Are you striving to act more like the person you want to be, but struggle to do so?
Are you curious about how daily reflection can help you make progress?
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Taking a moment each day to reflect on the events of your day can significantly boost your progress toward personal goals, help you manage unhelpful thoughts and feelings, and stay true to the person you want to be. By thinking about what happened during your day, including your internal and external reactions, you become more aware of yourself and pave the way for personal growth.
Reflection is mostly about things you can improve, but don’t forget to appreciate the good moments from your day and the things in your life to be grateful for. Be kind to yourself if you’re not yet feeling or acting the way you want to. You’re only human, and no one is perfect—you’ll always have room to grow. Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend in the same situation.
You can take this a step further by reflecting on events as they happen, like an observer who watches and comments on what you do and why.
If you like writing things down, you might want to record your reflections in a journal. And who knows, one day you might end up with your own version of the meditations of Marcus Aurelius!
To reflect on the events of your day, ask yourself questions such as:
🤔 What unhelpful feelings did I experience today, such as anger, frustration or envy?
Consider the events of the day that upset you. Perhaps you got angry with one of your kids again, were annoyed by someone who cut you off in traffic, or felt frustrated with a co-worker who didn’t follow through on their promise.
Look for the internal reasons behind these feelings; they’re usually triggered by your thoughts about the situation. For example, you might feel upset with your child because you think, “I shouldn’t have to repeat myself so many times.” You might get angry at the driver because you think, “They don’t care about anyone else on the road.” Or you might feel let down by your co-worker because you think, “I can’t rely on anyone to do their job right.”
Figure out how you can avoid getting upset next time by changing the way you view the situation. For example, try thinking, “My child is still learning, and patience will help them.” If someone cuts you off in traffic, consider, “Maybe they’re in a hurry and didn’t see me.” And if a co-worker doesn’t follow through on a promise, try thinking, “They might have their own challenges and need support.”
As you practice this shift in perspective, you’ll feel less affected by what others say or do and experience fewer negative emotions. You’ll be able to brush off insults and small offenses, realizing that no one can upset you unless you let them. Instead of blaming others or outside events for your feelings, you’ll take control of your own reactions—which can lead to healthier, stronger relationships.
🤔 Where did I fail to act today in line with my personal principles?
What matters most is living in alignment with your personal principles—actions speak louder than words. Think about the moments when you didn’t fully uphold your personal values today. Perhaps you intended to be patient but raised your voice at one of your kids during a frustrating moment. Maybe you meant to support a co-worker but didn’t help when they struggled with a task. Or you might have aimed to practice kindness but snapped at someone who was just trying to help.
Recognizing these moments can help you understand how to align your actions with your personal principles in the future. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, once said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Reflect on what led to your actions and how you can respond differently next time.
For example, instead of raising your voice, take a deep breath to stay calm and set a better example for your child. Even if you feel hesitant to support a co-worker, step up and offer help—it strengthens teamwork and shows that you care. And if you feel the urge to snap at someone, pause, take a breath, and respond with patience or a simple thank you to create a more positive atmosphere.
By being mindful of your actions, you can work towards living more in alignment with your personal principles. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection, as you’ll always have room to grow. If you find yourself living in alignment with your values most of the time, you’re doing pretty well.
🤔 Am I regularly practicing techniques that help me feel and act the way I want?
Make it a habit to practice techniques that help you feel and act the way you want, such as the ones below, which are just a small subset of all possible techniques:
👉 Defuse your unhelpful thoughts by creating some distance between yourself and those thoughts. For example, you can start each unhelpful thought with “I am having the thought that…” or add a question mark to your thought. You could also try quietly singing the thought to the tune of a cheerful song.
👉 Emotional pain often comes from believing your unhelpful thoughts without questioning them. You can challenge and change these thoughts by asking yourself: Is it true?, Can you absolutely know that it's true?, How do you react when you think that thought?, Who would you be without the thought?
👉 Allow your unpleasant feelings to come and go without holding on to them. When you fight against or try to avoid these feelings, they tend to stay stuck. But if you’re open to them, it gives them the space to pass through.
👉 Most feelings come and go naturally, but sometimes a difficult feeling lingers or feels much stronger than necessary. By exploring what’s beneath the surface of feelings, we can uncover underlying beliefs and learn how to understand and manage our feelings more effectively.
👉 We all look at things through "frames" that shape how we understand what’s happening. By learning to reframe situations, you can feel better and handle things more effectively.
👉 To appreciate what you have, try techniques such as negative visualization (imagining for a few seconds that something good in your life is gone) and last-time meditation (considering that what you are doing could be the last time you ever do it).
👉 Outcomes, like winning or losing a game, are beyond your control, so don’t judge yourself solely on those results. Instead, set goals based on your actions and efforts—things fully within your control—and evaluate success by whether you made the most of what you had available.
For more techniques see understanding values and need, navigating identity, managing thoughts, managing feelings and achieving goals.
References
A guide to the good life, by William B. Irvine
Man's Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl
