Make something of your life!
On April 3, 2022 I gave a life design speech during a dinner/lunch of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Arnhem. Below are the key points from this speech.
The topic of this speech is: Make something of your life!
What does it mean to make something of your life?
Making something of your life is not so much about the results you want to achieve in life, such as an impressive career, a perfect relationship, a high bank balance or making the world a better place. Results here mean your personal results, not, for example, the results expected of you at work.
Results usually depend on many factors, most of which you cannot or cannot fully control, such as your physical and social environment, political and economic developments (e.g. high inflation, pandemics or wars), and personal windfalls or setbacks.
It's fine to have goals and strive for results, because that motivates you to take actions, and gives direction to your actions. But don't get attached to the outcome of what you do, let go of the desired results.
Making something of your life is about creating a meaningful life by being fully present in the here and now, accepting all your inner experiences, and taking actions that are consistent with your personal values.
You are in control of your attention, acceptance of inner experiences and actions, so you can decide for yourself what you make of your life. But while the concepts are easy to understand, they are often not easy to implement. Therefore, practice regularly, try things out and use helpful change techniques.
You can start making something of your life at any time, you don't have to wait until certain conditions are met. And living according to your personal values gives you satisfaction at every moment!
Be fully in the here and now with your attention
Often our attention is not in the here and now, because our thoughts distract us from where we are. We muse about something negative that happened in the past, or worry about what could go wrong in the future. But life is now. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn’t here yet. When you are mentally absent, you do not fully live your life. And only in the here and now can you take action.
Wherever you are, be completely there. Choose consciously what you pay attention to. Focus your attention completely on what you are doing, on aspects that you can control. When you find that your attention is elsewhere, turn it back to the task.
You can connect to the present moment by taking two or three slow, deep breaths without forcing your breath, while focusing your attention on your breath or something in your environment.
You can learn to become less distracted by your thoughts, more likely to recognize when you are distracted, and better at returning from distraction. You can do the following exercise for this. Sit or lie down in a safe, comfortable position. Without forcing your breath, take ten (or more) slow, deep breaths. Focus your attention completely on your breathing, and let your thoughts come and go in the background without judging them, as if they were clouds floating through the sky. When you notice that your attention is no longer on your breathing, gently return it to your breathing.
Accept all your inner experiences
Everyone's life is accompanied by emotional pain: negative thoughts, unpleasant feelings and uncomfortable physical sensations. We try to avoid or suppress this pain, because we want to be happy and feel good. But this amplifies the pain and makes it last longer. Our emotional pain is not the problem, but our response to it.
You can compare suppressing or struggling with unwanted emotions to holding a soccer ball underwater. It takes energy to keep the ball under the water, and it shoots up out of the water the moment you let go.
If we fully accept painful thoughts and feelings, they have no power over us and do not get in our way. They then usually disappear fairly quickly, because emotions are like the weather: always present and constantly changing. Allow yourself to feel everything you feel.
Accepting painful thoughts and feelings doesn't mean we have to like them. It means that we give up our inner resistance to them and instead use our energy to create the life we want. Acceptance also doesn’t mean that we tolerate undesirable circumstances. The main purpose of acceptance is that we do what we find meaningful to do, regardless of how we feel emotionally.
Take actions that are in line with your personal values
Making something of your life means creating a meaningful life. This is about questions such as: What makes life worth living for you? What is really important to you? What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to live?
Our personal values are about what we value doing, about how we want to behave, and about what kind of person we want to be. These values give our lives purpose, meaning and passion. It is about what we consider important of our own choice, it is our life. Examples of personal values are: authenticity, creativity, curiosity, generosity, gratitude, honesty, and integrity.
Making something of your life means that you do what you really think is important to do with your time, and that you behave according to your personal values, regardless of how you feel. You then experience that life can be meaningful, even when unpleasant things happen. Making something out of life is a continuous process that only ends when life is over.
Your values are a kind of compass that guides you in shaping your life. The compass indicates which way to go. It helps you to make choices and to stay on track. Always ask yourself: Will this help me create the life I want? Will this help me become the kind of person I want to be?
Every emotion gives you an impulse to act in a certain way. The first step is to notice the impulse. The second step is to check in with your values: Does this behaviour match the type of person you want to be? Will this help you create the life you want? If an impulse doesn't match your values, you can surf the impulse: give it enough time and space to use up all its energy.
When you start to react from a certain emotion, ask yourself: Am I behaving according to my personal values or according to how I feel right now?
How do you find out what really matters to you?
There are many ways to find out what your most important personal values are.
For example, you can ask yourself what things in the world make you angry, and what you would like to change about that. Or consider which experiences made you feel very energetic, fully involved or completely fulfilled.
A well-known way is to "begin with the end in mind." Imagine arriving at the funeral of a loved one. Your friends, relatives and some colleagues are present. They mourn the deceased. You walk to the coffin, look inside and… see yourself lying there. This is your funeral, three years from today. There are three speakers. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you? What personal characteristics or qualities would you like to hear? What positive difference do you want to have made in their lives?
Some values are considered important by many people, such as: health, connection (good relationships with the people around us), authenticity (live our own life, not the life that others expect of us), balance (finding the right balance between work and private life), vulnerability (expressing our feelings instead of suppressing them), contribution (make a contribution to society).
How can you live more in harmony with what really matters to you?
By taking the following steps you can start living more in harmony with what really matters to you.
1 - Determine where you are now. To what extent do you currently live in agreement with what really matters to you? Map this out for a few areas of your life, such as your physical health, emotional health, work, and relationships. What's going well? What could be better? What do you want to do more? What do you want to do less?
2 - Decide where you want to go. Determine the most important changes you want to make in your life. What specific, concrete goal do you want to achieve? What has the highest priority for you? Why? What are you willing to do?
3 - Decide what you can do to achieve your goal. Which concrete actions can take you in the right direction? Generate a lot of ideas and choose the three feasible actions that will make the greatest contribution to achieving your goal. If necessary, explore by reading, talking, and trying things out.
4 - Carry out the chosen actions. We can only make something of our lives if we take actions that create a meaningful life. Change is difficult, so use techniques to increase your chances of success, such as: Start taking the chosen actions right away, don't delay. Remove barriers to success from your physical and social environment. Identify potential obstacles in advance and determine what you will do to overcome them. Start very small to achieve quick success. Celebrate successes right away, to create a good feeling about what you're doing. Collaborate with others. At the end of each day, monitor whether you are heading in the right direction, and adjust if you’re not.
Conclusion
Making something of your life is about creating a meaningful life by being fully present in the here and now, accepting all your inner experiences, and taking actions that are consistent with your personal values.
The good news is that you can start right away to make something of your life, and that living according to your personal values gives you satisfaction in every moment.
Always ask yourself: Will this help me create the life I want?
Bibliography
Go to my summary of a book by clicking the link.
Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-lived, Joyful Life, by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans
The Happiness Trap: Stop struggling, start living, by Dr Russ Harris
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle
Atomic Habits: Tiny changes, Remarkable Results, by James Clear