Make behavior attractive or unattractive
The expectation of a satisfying outcome motivates us to act.
Did you know we tend to act based on what we expect to happen?
Would you like to learn how to use your cravings to make habits stick?
Want to discover how to bundle temptations to make habits more attractive?
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Increase the chance of successfully building a new habit by making the behavior attractive. To dismantle an existing habit, make the behavior unattractive.
Our brains are always predicting what might happen next, and these predictions create feelings that shape how we act. We respond based on what we expect to happen, rather than on what’s actually real. For example, if we’re invited to a social event and predict it will be fun, we might feel hopeful and excited, making us want to go. But if we’re telling ourselves a story that it will be awkward or uncomfortable, we might feel nervous or anxious, and decide not to go.
Craving is what drives our behavior. When we predict that a behavior will feel satisfying, our craving for it grows, which boosts our motivation to act. Without enough craving, we don’t feel motivated to respond. Craving is really our desire to change how we feel inside—like wanting to feel more alert, relaxed, or entertained. It’s not the habit itself that we crave, but the way we expect it will change how we feel. Before we try a behavior for the first time, we don’t yet know what reward to expect. If the reward is satisfying, then the next time we notice the cue for that behavior, we instantly feel a craving to do it again.
The more attractive something is, the more likely it is to become a habit. For example, eating junk food is very attractive because it satisfies our brain’s craving for foods high in salt, sugar, and fat. These types of foods were rare in the environments our ancestors lived in, which made them crave such foods for survival. But today, with these foods easily available, constantly giving in to these cravings can lead to overeating, which is one reason why many people struggle with weight gain.
Make behavior attractive or unattractive
Building new habits can be tough, but there are different ways to make habits easier or harder to stick to, and you can use several of them at once. By making habits more appealing, you're more likely to stick with them. You can try combining hard habits with things you enjoy, changing your social surroundings, or simply looking at habits in a new way. These strategies can also help you change bad habits by making them less attractive. It might take some experimenting to see which ones work best for you. Let’s dive in!
⚒️ Use temptation bundling
Temptation bundling is a strategy that makes a behavior more appealing by pairing it with something you enjoy. This can make hard habits easier to stick with. Use this structure:
I will only [do something I like] while/after I [do the difficult habit I need to do].
This means you let yourself do something you enjoy only while or after finishing a necessary task. For example, if you want to exercise more and like watching TV, you can watch TV only while running on a treadmill. If you want to spend more time studying and enjoy playing video games, you can play video games only after finishing a set of study assignments. Or, if you need to focus on household chores but enjoy listening to music, you can listen to your favorite music only while cleaning the house. This idea is like “Granny’s rule,” where kids have to eat their carrots before they can have dessert. Over time, this approach can help you start looking forward to the tasks you need to do because they lead to something you love.
Unfortunately, not all activities can be bundled together. For example, tasks that need a lot of mental focus, like studying for an exam, don’t go well with other mentally demanding tasks, like listening to a podcast. The same is true for some physical activities—like eating a delicious meal, which is hard to combine with exercise.
⚒️ Change your social environment
Humans are social beings, naturally designed to be part of groups. One of our strongest desires is to fit in and connect with others. Because of this, behaviors that help us belong are attractive, while behaviors that might lead to rejection are unattractive.
Being around other people has a strong effect on your behavior. The closer you are to others, the more likely you are to pick up some of their habits. This is called social proof: the idea that we look to others to guide our own behavior, especially when we're uncertain. When we see people around us engaging in certain habits, we are more likely to adopt them ourselves, simply because we want to belong or fit in.
One of the best ways to build the habits you want is to join a group where those habits are already part of their lifestyle. Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want. If you want to get fit, spend time with fit people. If you want to read more, join a book club. If you want to walk more, join a walking group. Being part of a group of like-minded people boosts your motivation. When you join a book club, your identity (“I am a reader”) connects with the identity of the group (“We are readers”), which strengthens your personal identity and helps your behavior stick in the long run.
⚒️ Reframe difficult habits
You can make a difficult habit seem more attractive by changing how you look at it, which involves shifting your mindset. Presenting the same information in different ways (called “frames”) can lead to different thoughts, feelings, and actions. This is known as the framing effect, and how you choose to frame a habit can influence whether you see it as a challenge or an opportunity for growth.
👉 You often use the word “have” when thinking about good but difficult habits. For example, “I have to go to the gym,” “I have to eat more vegetables,” or “I have to go to bed on time.” Try changing your perspective by replacing “have” with “get.” For instance, say “I get to go to the gym,” “I get to eat more vegetables,” or “I get to go to bed on time.” Instead of seeing these habits as things you must do (have), you now see them as opportunities (get). Both ways of thinking are valid, but the second one is more helpful for building new habits.
👉 You can also change your perspective by focusing on the benefits of habits instead of their drawbacks (this is called reframing). Instead of thinking about the time and energy it takes to go to the gym, focus on the strength and endurance you build. Instead of thinking about the bitter taste of vegetables, highlight the health benefits, like a lower risk of heart disease and stroke.
👉 Before giving a presentation, many people feel their heart race, their palms sweat, or feel short of breath and tense muscles. Instead of seeing these physical sensations as nervousness, you can reframe them as excitement. Doing this can help you perform better.
👉 By reframing the sacrifices of the current self, they can feel more attractive. For example, people are more likely to sign up for an automatic savings plan if the amount is framed as $5 per day, rather than $150 per month, even though both amounts add up to about the same each month.
⚒️ Create a motivation ritual
Create a motivation ritual that helps you get in the right state of mind to do a habit you find difficult.
Find something you do every day that makes you happy, like taking a hot shower or eating a piece of chocolate. Create a short routine with a few actions, like taking three deep breaths and then smiling. Do this routine right before the activity that makes you happy. After doing this many times, you'll start to link the routine with feeling happy.
Once the routine becomes a cue that makes you feel happy, use it whenever you want to improve your mood. If you're feeling stressed, anxious, or sad, take three deep breaths and smile! Doing this routine right before a habit you find difficult will help improve your mood and boost your motivation.
⚒️ Change habits by understanding its underlying motive
A strong way to change habits is to use two ideas: You don’t actually want the habit itself, but the better feeling it gives you. There are many different ways to get the same better feeling.
For more details on how to use these ideas to change bad habits, see
🔗 How to replace a bad habit by understanding its underlying motive
⚒️ Make a soft commitment
Making a soft commitment, like promising or making a vow, can help change your behavior by making a strong commitment to yourself. For example, many people make New Year's resolutions to lose weight, quit smoking, or exercise regularly. These commitments are soft because the only penalty for not following through is a psychological one: not keeping your promise creates cognitive dissonance—the uncomfortable feeling of not doing what you said you would. We naturally try to avoid this discomfort. Sharing your commitments with friends and family can make this discomfort stronger, because we don’t like disappointing others.
People tend to prefer soft commitments over hard ones, like habit contracts or commitment devices, because soft commitments don’t feel as harsh. However, they are much less effective at changing behavior.
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Making a behavior attractive or unattractive is a powerful tool for building and dismantling habits. It is based on the second step of James Clear’s four-step habit model: cue, craving, response, and reward. Always remember your ultimate goal: becoming the type of person you want to be.
References
Atomic Habits, by James Clear
How to Change, by Katy Milkman
