Supercoach
10 Secrets to Transform Anyone’s Life
by Michael Neill
summarized by Adrie Kuil
Brief summary
Change seems difficult because we try to do it from the outside in – change our behavior on the outside without changing how we see the situation on the inside. The mind works like a projector: we experience what we think, not some kind of objective reality. Thoughts only impact our life when we add our agreement and energy to it. Wellbeing is not the result of something you do; it’s the essence of who you are. There is nothing you need to change, do, be, or have in order to be happy.
Full summary
This summary is an informal write-up of my understanding of the key messages from the book Supercoach by Michael Neill.
The worst thing that can ever happen to you is a thought about whatever you think is the worst thing that could happen to you. You want what you want because you believe it will enhance your experience of being alive.
There are three levels of change that transformative coaching leads to:
Level I: Change in a specific situation. For instance coaching to help someone deal with a difficult person at work. This is about applying new techniques.
Level II: Change in a specific life area. For instance coaching to help someone deal with events in the area of relationships or parenting. This is about applying new strategies.
Level III: Transformation. Coaching to bring about a pervasive shift in our understanding and way of being in the world. This is about seeing what’s true about life and how things actually work.
Change at a fundamental level happens via an insight – a sight from within. These insights change the way we see ourselves, other people and how life works. An insight is something that once seen can never be unseen. Change seems difficult because we try to do it from the outside in – change our behavior on the outside without changing how we see the situation on the inside.
We are the thinker, not the sum total of our thoughts, so we don’t have to fix our thoughts and feelings. They will come and go. Effortless success is about an absence of mental struggle.
If you ‘make believe’ something long enough it becomes real to you, you begin to think and feel and act as if it’s true. We live in a world of thought, not circumstances. The mind works like a projector: we experience what we think, not some kind of objective reality. Your world is what you think it is, but there’s a world beyond your thinking. Our experience continually changes because different thoughts come in and out of our head throughout the day. Thoughts only impact our life when we add our agreement and energy to it. The more we invest our attention in them, the more real they start to feel. Letting thoughts come and go nearly always leads to a better experience than trying to get rid of them or suppress them.
Our bank balance is what it is, yet the power of thought can make it seem like a lot or a little. Because we feel our thinking, these thoughts can bring temporary feelings of security or insecurity. Our thinking is what it is, but depending on our level of consciousness, we get lost in the feelings that our thinking brings or we see these feelings as an ever-changing movement of energy.
Your life is like a movie filled with problems and obstacles and triumphs and tragedies. What is happening on the movie screen is your experience of life. Each reel of film running in front of the projector is made up of your thoughts. If you have scary thoughts, you’ll see scary things on the screen of your experience. Our experience is being projected from the inside out.
In the vertical dimension, our primary goal is to transform our relationship with circumstances. We do this by gaining a deeper, more insightful understanding of what’s really going on behind our experience of life. We think we’re experiencing reality, but we’re actually experiencing our thinking. We are always already exactly where we need to be. Wellbeing is right here, right now, and there is nothing we need to do, achieve, or change in order to be happy and at peace in this moment.
Wellbeing – happiness, contentment, love, peace, spirit – is our essential nature. Wellbeing is not the result of something you do; it’s the essence of who you are. There is nothing you need to change, do, be, or have in order to be happy.
Much of our energy and time is squandered in pursuing goals, projects, financial incentives and relationships that we believe will make us happy. What we attribute our good feelings to will determine what we do and where we go to get more of them. Wellbeing is our nature, not a goal to be pursued.
If you want to get better at something, work on your craft, not on yourself. Spend your time being happy and going for what you want, rather than going for what you want in the hope that it will one day make you happy.
There’s nowhere for you to get to, you’re already here. This doesn’t mean you will no longer travel, it just means that you’ll no longer do so in order to get somewhere that’s better than right where you’re sitting now. If you travel, it will be because you want to, not because you think you have to or you should.
What would you love to create? View your life as a blank canvas, a musical score waiting to be written. Our circumstances are not ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ or ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ but simply the raw materials for our next creation. Take the best of what’s inside you and use it to create cool things in the world. Creating what you want is not about you, but about what you actually want to create.
If your life as it is today were a product of your intentions, conscious and unconscious, what intentions would be revealed?
To succeed at something that matters, you have to put in the necessary hours. Sometimes all the psychological insight in the world won’t move you forward as quickly as simply taking action. A remarkable amount of success in the world comes down to people staying in the game long enough to ‘get lucky’. Don’t allow an obstacle to become an excuse. When you really want something, the question isn’t ‘How will you get it?’, it’s ‘What could possibly stop you?’
Decision making is often difficult because we think that our future wellbeing is dependent on making the right decision now, and that in some way we could know in advance how things will turn out. But you can’t make a mistake because you can’t know how things will turn out in advance and you can never know how things would have turned out if you’d done things differently. You can’t accurately predict the future. Just always do your best, based on your thoughts that seem to be true at that time.
There’s no such thing as a ‘decision’ – you either know what to do or you don’t.
Whatever the world looks like to you now, doesn’t tell you anything about what the world will look like to you tomorrow.
The only real basis for making a decision is: Do you want to? If you want to, then do. If you don’t want to, then don’t.
Have you ever been in a stressful situation or read a sad novel?
You haven’t, because each of those qualities – stress, sadness – is inside you, it’s not part of the event or object to which you’re attributing it.
Do you think your life would be better if your circumstances were different?
Every feeling you experience is the shadow of a thought, not a reflection of the world around you. You’re always feeling your thinking, not the world. You don’t need to change the world in order to change how you feel. Things will happen that we wouldn’t choose. Your day doesn’t create your mood; your mood creates your day. The difference is not in the world, but inside you. Our thoughts have no power to impact our life until we decide they’re important and real.
Your feelings are a foolproof guide to the quality of your current thinking. We can use our feelings as a sort of warning system: in a low mood stop taking your unproductive thoughts so seriously; and in a good mood enjoy your productive thoughts. Don’t act on your thoughts when you’re in a low mood. If you let each thought pass without giving it much attention, the thought stream will simply flow on quietly in the background. Live in the present moment, in the now. And if your mind wanders, don’t take these thoughts too seriously.
Adopt an ’average person’ approach to life: we are human beings just like everyone else, with the same problems, that we try to deal with in the best possible way. Strive to have average days, don't strive for exceptional days. The cumulative effect of a series of average days is extraordinary. Do three small things today that make a positive difference, and repeat daily for as long as you like. Don’t do what you don’t want to do, even if everyone around you is telling you that you should. Figure out what you don’t like doing and then stop doing it. Do more of what you love. Whenever you’re feeling that everything is spinning out of control, take a little break and slow down.
When it comes to relationships, if you’re playing to win, you’ve already lost.
It’s not the other person but your thoughts about the other person that are driving you nuts.
Connection is what happens when human beings spend time together without their thinking getting in the way. When we think about a person, we aren’t actually thinking about the ‘real’ them – we’re thinking about a representation of them we’ve formed in our mind. To simply be with someone in a state of full presence is one of the most magical gifts we’re given in our life.
If you’re listening for something specific, like signs of trouble, you’ll tend to hear it and you’re liable to miss what’s actually being said. Try listening to other people with nothing on your mind, without an agenda. Let your thoughts come and go as they will.
You can ask anyone for anything if you don’t buy into your thoughts about what it would mean if they said ‘no’. Your ability to not take the word ‘no’ personally is the key to success. When you no longer fear your thoughts about someone saying ‘no,’, you’re free to consider why the didn’t say ‘yes.’
‘Some will, some won’t – so what?’
When we make our requests, we tend to put our self-image on the line with whatever it is we’re requesting. When making a request notice whether your attention is on yourself or on the person you’re asking. Focus your attention on how your request will benefit and serve the other person.
You can feel safe, happy and well, no matter what happens, as these feelings come from within our innermost selves.
Fall in love with your ‘unique ordinariness’ – the uniqueness of your particular reality and the ordinariness of having such a reality. Recognize everyone around you as being both unique and ‘just like you’, no better and no worse.
The only real obstacle to moving forward is a thought about what might happen if you do.
If I already had all the love in the world, how would I do this differently?
Secure your financial future by mastering the art of difference-making. If you don’t make much of a difference, you’re unlikely to make very much money.
Money is a practical tool created to facilitate the exchange of goods and services. How valuable is money? It depends entirely on what we are trying to use it for.
As long as you see money as a scarce resource, you will continually inconvenience yourself in order to get it.
Ask yourself service-oriented ‘difference-making’ questions like: For whom would I like to make a positive contribution? What difference would I love to make for them? Do things that you enjoy doing, that you do really well, and that add value for other people.
Creating money is essentially a very simple process: aim yourself in a direction, show up and respond to what shows up.
Hope is the gateway to new possibilities. Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you don’t actually know, so why limit yourself by guessing? If you know you want to head in a particular direction, take the first step.
How well do you know the dreams of the people closest to you?
We live in the feeling of our thinking right now, moment by moment. Thought is the most powerful force in the universe. The feelings we feel in response to our thoughts are 100 percent real in the body. The only source of those feelings is a passing thought.
You have wisdom inside you – listen for it and give it voice. You have light inside you – feel its glow and let it shine. You have power in you – let your wisdom and light guide you as you make a difference in the world.