Mastering communication
This page highlights key points and links to my articles on mastering communication. Explore these ideas to express yourself clearly, listen with intent, and influence others with confidence and integrity.
Persuasion is just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to effective communication. Every day, you express ideas, negotiate outcomes, and navigate relationships—whether in conversations with loved ones, emails at work, or debates on social issues. The way you communicate shapes your opportunities, influences others, and deepens your connections.
Mastering communication means more than just choosing the right words. It involves understanding how people think, how messages are framed, and how emotions shape interactions. It’s about listening as much as speaking, adapting to different audiences, and conveying ideas with clarity and impact. Whether you're making a case in a meeting, resolving a conflict, or simply trying to be heard, strong communication skills give you an edge.
All articles
🔗 Influence: The seven principles of persuasion
Influence is the ability to shape others' thoughts, decisions, and actions. Dr. Robert Cialdini outlined seven key principles of persuasion in his seminal book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In summary, we are more easily persuaded by people if
👉 We owe them a favor (reciprocity)
👉 We like them (liking)
👉 They hold a position of authority (authority)
👉 We see them as one of us (unity)
👉 The opportunity is scarce (scarcity)
👉 The action aligns with our past behavior (consistency)
👉 Many others, especially those like us, are doing it (social proof)
🔗 Nonviolent Communication: Express yourself compassionately
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a way of communicating that fosters compassionate connections with yourself and others. NVC focusses on four key areas: making observations, identifying and expressing feelings, linking feelings to needs, and making actionable requests using clear, concrete, positive language. An important aspect of NVC is expressing yourself clearly and honestly with respect and empathy.
🔗 Nonviolent Communication: Listen and respond compassionately
An important aspect of NVC is listening and responding to others with care and respect. Be present in the moment to truly understand what is happening and act in line with your personal values. Listen and respond thoughtfully by connecting with the underlying feelings and needs of the other person. Focus on understanding rather than offering advice, reassurance, or shifting the conversation to your own perspective. This approach fosters meaningful connections with others.
Expressing your needs directly is essential for building strong and healthy relationships. Open communication clarifies your expectations and reduces misunderstandings. It demonstrates honesty and openness, showing that you are willing to share your thoughts and feelings. It's important to recognize that others have the right not to meet your needs, just as you have the right not to meet theirs.
🔗 The framing effect: how language shapes your perception of reality
The framing effect is our tendency to be influenced by how information is presented rather than the information itself. Different ways of framing the same facts can lead to different perceptions, interpretations, emotions, and decisions. This happens because we respond more to how something is described than to its actual content. Our judgments and choices are shaped not just by reality, but by the way reality is framed.
🔗 To win debates, set the frame
In debates and discussions, winning often depends less on the strength of the arguments and more on how the issue is framed. Whoever sets the frame shapes the narrative and influences the outcome. Whether in politics, business, or personal conversations, understanding how to frame a discussion gives you a powerful advantage.
We like to think of ourselves as rational beings who always seek the truth. But when was the last time you changed your mind because of a fact someone shared with you? Often, staying connected to the groups we belong to matters more than accepting a particular truth. Belonging can feel more important than being right.
References
Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion, by Robert B. Cialdini PhD
Nonviolent Communication: A language of Life, by Marshall R. Rosenberg
Thinking, Fast and Slow, by Daniel Kahneman