Be of service
Shifting from self-interest to serving the needs of others.
Do you focus more on what you can gain than what you can give?
What if serving others brought you deeper fulfillment and connection?
Are you open to shifting from self-interest to serving others?
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When we do something for someone else—at work or in a relationship—we often focus on what we hope to gain from it. We find ourselves asking: What's in it for me? What do I stand to gain?
For example, someone might offer to help a teammate finish their report, hoping it will make them look good to their manager. Or they might support a cause they care about and share it on social media to appear generous and caring. A salesperson might suggest a premium product because it earns them a higher commission.
When our intention is to be of service to others, we start asking different questions: How can I be of service? How can I add value for others? How can I contribute?
For instance, we might take the time to offer genuine support to a friend who's having a hard day. We might help a colleague who's overwhelmed, without expecting anything in return. Or we might volunteer for something in our community simply because we care about what it stands for.
Shifting our attention toward what we can do for others can bring a deeper sense of satisfaction. It addresses a basic psychological need we all share—the need for connection and to feel part of something greater than ourselves. A side effect of this service-minded attitude is that our own results often improve. We become more valuable to others because we’re focused on meeting their needs.
For instance, at work, someone consistently supports their team and shares knowledge. Over time, they become a trusted go-to person—not because they’re seeking recognition, but because others appreciate their reliability and the value they bring. In friendship, a person listens actively and shows up when needed, without expecting any appreciation. Over time, others invest more in the relationship and appreciate their genuine care. When working with clients, someone takes the time to understand what really matters to them and offers thoughtful, honest advice. They’re not focused on making a sale, but on being genuinely helpful—and as a result, clients return and often refer others.
Serving others doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself. It’s not about putting yourself last, letting people take advantage of you, neglecting your own needs, ignoring your boundaries, or doing things you don’t genuinely want to do. It means showing up with a willingness to make a meaningful difference—while respecting your own limits. When we care for others and ourselves, our support becomes more sustainable—and more meaningful in the long run. It’s a shift from “What can I get?” to “What can I give?”—and that’s often where the greatest personal fulfillment comes from. Success isn’t just about what we achieve—it’s also about how we show up in the lives of others.
There’s a line between healthy service and self-sacrifice. Healthy service feels energizing, purposeful, and rooted in choice. It respects our boundaries and makes space for rest. It comes from a grounded sense of self-worth. Healthy service might look like offering to cover for a colleague because we genuinely want to help —and we know we have the capacity that day.
Unhealthy service often feels draining, obligatory, or driven by fear of disapproval. It ignores our needs and can lead to resentment or burnout. It is often fueled by people-pleasing, guilt, or a need to prove our value. Unhealthy service might be saying yes to yet another request, even though we’re exhausted—because we’re afraid of letting someone down or being seen as difficult.
If you’re unsure, pause and ask: Am I offering this freely, or am I afraid of what will happen if I don’t? That question alone can help bring clarity.
How to cultivate a more service-minded approach
Becoming more service-minded doesn’t mean changing who we are—it means becoming more intentional about how we show up. Here are a few practices to support that shift:
⚒️ Check your intention
Before stepping into a situation, take a moment to reflect on whether you're acting from a place of care for others or if your focus is more on what you stand to gain. Instead of asking “What’s in it for me?” ask, “How can I support them in a way that feels true to me?” This small shift in perspective can open up a more generous, connected mindset. When others sense that your support is sincere, it often helps build trust and a deeper sense of connection.
⚒️ Start small and close to home
You don’t need to volunteer for a big cause or take on something huge. Service begins in everyday moments—with friends, family, colleagues, and even strangers. A kind message. A thoughtful gesture. A shared moment of presence. These small acts of care can create a ripple effect, reminding others that connection and generosity still matter—and inviting them to do the same.
⚒️ Reflect on what truly matters to you
Think about the personal values you want to embody in your daily interactions. What kind of impact do you want to have—not in grand terms, but in the small, human ways that shape your life and relationships? This might be as simple as choosing kindness in a tense moment or being honest when it feels easier to stay quiet. When we stay connected to what matters most to us, it becomes easier to act with intention—even in the small things.
⚒️ Listen with your full attention
Often, the most meaningful way to serve someone is by really listening—without interrupting, fixing, or needing to respond. Presence itself is a form of service. That means putting away distractions, making eye contact, and letting silence be okay. You don’t need to have the perfect response. Sometimes just staying with someone in their experience—without trying to change it—can be the most supportive thing you can offer.
⚒️ Respect your limits
Service is not self-sacrifice. The more you honor your own energy, needs, and boundaries, the more sustainable your care for others becomes. That might mean saying no when you're stretched too thin, taking breaks when you need to recharge, or being honest about what you can offer. Respecting your limits isn’t selfish—it’s what allows you to show up with presence and care over the long haul.
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Living with a service-minded attitude isn’t about self-denial. It’s about showing up with care, presence, and a willingness to contribute—while staying grounded in our own needs and values. When we shift our attention from what we can get to what we can give, we often discover a deeper sense of connection and purpose. And over time, that way of living not only supports others—it nourishes us too.
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