Discover how creating some distance can help you better manage powerful emotions.

Is your life being affected by frequently experiencing strong negative feelings?

Do you feel powerless in the face of overwhelming feelings?

Do you want to learn a simple technique to regain control during emotional lows?

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Frequently experiencing intense feelings like frustration, anxiety, depression, fear, or anger can greatly disrupt people's everyday lives. For example, someone with severe anxiety might struggle to join social events or even leave their house because of intense fear. Likewise, people dealing with depression may feel constant sadness and lose interest in activities they used to enjoy, which can affect their work and relationships. Additionally, someone experiencing a panic attack may suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of dread and physical symptoms like a racing heart, making it impossible to continue with their activities. Another example is someone who is frustrated with a difficult situation. They might end up taking their frustration out on the people around them, like snapping at friends or family over small things. This can damage their relationships and lead to stress and regret.

When we experience intense feelings, it's tough to see our situation objectively. Our focus narrows, we fall back on automatic habits that are often not helpful, and we think less clearly. It  can feel like we’re being tossed around in a stormy sea, with tumultuous waves of feelings rising and crashing unpredictably, leaving us feeling lost and overwhelmed, unable to find any stability. The strong feeling of being at the mercy of these turbulent waters, powerless to change things, makes it hard to concentrate or think clearly, as each wave threatens to drag us down.

⚒️ Zoom out

Strong negative feelings make us focus on what we perceive as a threat because it seems like the most important thing at the time. This causes us to fixate on a small part of our experience and ignore everything else. To think clearly, we need to step back from these intense feelings and view things more broadly and objectively. By zooming out in the moment, we can gain a clearer understanding of ourselves by observing our thoughts, feelings, and actions from a distance, almost like we're having an out-of-body experience. It's like watching ourselves from above while we're struggling in the stormy sea. This outside perspective allows us to see what we're doing and why, and to recognize the patterns we're caught in, all without being overwhelmed by our feelings. When we approach the situation with curiosity, we can discover new perspectives and insights that lead to better solutions and personal growth.

We can ask ourselves questions that might help us handle the situation better, like:

🤔 Why am I feeling so strongly about this?

🤔 Are my thoughts about this situation realistic and helpful?

🤔 What is important to me in this situation?

🤔 Does my behavior match my life purpose, personal values, and principles?

🤔 Do I have the power to act differently?

⚒️ Zoom back in

After zooming out to gain awareness, we need to zoom back in to take action and break out of the negative cycle. It's like getting back into the stormy sea, but now we're equipped with a wetsuit to stay warm, a life jacket to stay afloat, and flares to signal for help. The sense of powerlessness is replaced by a feeling that we can actually do something to change the situation. We recognize that we're experiencing feelings we don't want, leading us to act in ways we don't like, but now we feel capable of taking steps to improve things.

What if we fail to zoom out?

It’s possible that we experience intense feelings and forget to use the Zoom out technique in the moment. When this happens, it’s important not to beat ourselves up about it. We’re only human, after all. Instead, we can apologize if we've hurt anyone, talk about what we're going through with people we trust, and focus on doing better next time. Remember, it's okay to make mistakes as we learn how to manage our feelings better. Each step, even the missteps, helps us grow and improve.  

Examples

👉 Imagine you're in a heated argument with a loved one, and you're feeling overwhelmed by anger and frustration. In the middle of the argument, you decide to mentally zoom out. You step back and observe the situation as if you were an outsider. You notice your own tense posture, raised voice, and the critical thoughts racing through your mind. From this perspective, you realize that your feelings are driving you to say things you don't mean and that you're stuck in a pattern of reacting defensively.

After gaining this awareness, you zoom back in to take action. You consciously take a deep breath and lower your voice. You remind yourself of your commitment to resolving conflicts constructively. Instead of continuing the argument, you calmly express that you need a moment to cool down and would like to revisit the conversation later. This shift gives you a sense of control and the ability to change the course of the interaction. You no longer feel powerless; instead, you feel capable of managing the situation and guiding it toward a more positive outcome.

👉 Imagine you're having a panic attack, and your heart is racing, your breathing is rapid, and you feel an intense sense of fear. In the midst of this, you decide to zoom out. You mentally step back and observe yourself as if you're watching from a distance. You notice the physical sensations of your panic and the thoughts running through your mind. This zoomed-out perspective helps you understand that what you're experiencing is a result of heightened anxiety and that these feelings are temporary.

After gaining this awareness, you zoom back in to take action. You focus on calming your breathing and reminding yourself that you have tools to manage the panic, like practicing deep breathing exercises or using grounding techniques. This shift in perspective allows you to feel more in control and capable of handling the panic attack, reducing the sense of powerlessness and helping you take steps to calm down and regain your composure.

Additional tips

👉 Practice self-care: Treat yourself with the same care and compassion you would offer a best friend. Practice mindfulness to focus on the present and stay aware of your thoughts and feelings. Defuse or question negative thoughts and make space for difficult feelings.

👉 Use emotional labeling: Identify and name your feelings. Understanding what you’re feeling can help you address them more effectively.

👉 Engage in physical activity: Exercise can help release built-up tension and improve your mood.

👉 Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings with someone can provide relief and new perspectives.

 

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