We tend to be more easily persuaded by people we like.

Have you ever bought something just because the salesperson was incredibly likable?

Have you ever made a purchase after being referred by a friend?

Has a car salesman ever gotten you a better deal by talking to his manager?

 

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The liking principle is our tendency to be more easily persuaded by people we like.  

 

We are more likely to buy products from people we like. The liking principle is used at Tupperware home parties (which are no longer as common as they used to be), where a hostess (or host) invites friends, relatives, and neighbours to her home for a Tupperware product demonstration. The guests are all friends of the hostess and they know that she will receive a percentage of the party’s total Tupperware sales. Because of their friendship with the hostess, they end up buying Tupperware products at the party that they normally would not have bought.

 

We place great trust in product recommendations from people we know and like, such as friends and family members, because we tend to view their endorsements as reliable and credible. That’s why many companies, like Airbnb and Google, have a referral program in which they ask people who use their products or services to tell friends and family members about them. When a referred new customer makes a purchase, the referrer receives a reward from the company. These programs can be highly effective depending on factors such as the product or service itself and the attractiveness of the incentive.

 

People may have beliefs that are not based on facts, but on their emotional connection with a group to which they belong (their tribe), such as a national, political or religious group. For example, many religious people reject the theory of evolution, a theory for which there is much supporting evidence, and instead believe that humans were created by a divine being. Facts won’t change people’s minds about tribally motivated beliefs (tribalism trumps truth), but feelings of sympathy for someone can. Research has shown that people are more accepting of a theory if someone they like, for example a celebrity, supports that theory.

 

The liking principle is closely related to the affect heuristic: our tendency to make judgements and decisions based on our current emotions.

 

What makes us like someone?

Persuaders are people who want to influence our decisions, such as salespeople, marketers, advertisers, consultants and advisors. Persuaders want to be liked by us, so they can more easily convince us to do what they want. There are several factors that cause us to like someone:

 

👉 We automatically and unconsciously see physically attractive people as likeable, kind, honest, trustworthy, confident, outgoing, intelligent, competent and energetic. This is an example of the halo effect: our tendency to attribute all kinds of favourable qualities to a person simply because they possess one single desirable characteristic. Persuaders will groom and dress themselves to look their  most attractive. Advertisements mainly feature attractive people because unattractive individuals often create an unsympathetic impression due to the horn effect. 

 

👉 We tend to like individuals with whom we share similarities, for example beliefs, individual characteristics, background or lifestyle. Persuaders will try to appear similar to us. For example by wearing similar clothes, mimicking our verbal and nonverbal behaviour, and claiming to have the same interests like golf or running. Or by simply claiming to be just like us. Ads often feature 'people like you and me'. The more they resemble us, the more effective the ad.

 

👉 We like people who compliment and flatter us, even when we know the other person needs a favour from us. Compliments can be used to encourage recipients to live up to them. By praising something we want them to continue doing, we give them a reputation to uphold, which motivates them to do it more in the future. Likewise, by assigning a particular social role or character trait to an individual, we can influence him to act in accordance with this assigned role or trait (a technique called altercasting). For example, by highlighting the role of loving mother, a persuader can influence a woman to buy healthy and nutritious food for her children. Or by consistently praising children for their trait of conscientiousness, parents can encourage them to uphold this trait.

 

👉 We tend to like things that are familiar to us. For example, we often prefer familiar dishes from our upbringing, the music we grew up with, and the company of family and close friends. Familiarity created by contact obviously only leads to greater liking if the contacts are pleasant and nonthreatening. Companies repeat advertisements to increase familiarity with their product or service through repeated exposure, making consumers think more positively about it.

Nowadays, thanks to social media, familiarity poses a challenge because of the much larger circle of people who seem familiar to us. We gather countless online connections, many of whom we have never met in person but only know virtually. Nevertheless, we often extend the same level of trust to these distant acquaintances as we do to close friends. This tendency can have serious consequences, particularly evident in romance scams. By gradually building familiarity, scammers can cause us to place unwavering trust in individuals we have never met and who may bear little resemblance to their online personas.

 

👉 Liking someone can be caused by cooperation. That’s why persuaders try to make us believe that they have the same interests as us and are on our side. While this is often the case, sometimes it isn't  true. To give the impression that they are on the customer's side, some car salespeople pretend to go to their manager to get a better deal for the customer, when in reality they probably talk about sports or share the latest gossip. To get suspects to confess during police interrogations, a ‘good cop’ pretends to be on their side and tries to convince them that it is in their best interest to confess, regardless of whether it is.

 

👉 The association principle makes us unconsciously tend to like those who bring us pleasant information and dislike those who bring us unpleasant information. We consider bearers of bad news to be less competent and attribute malicious motives to them (because of the horn effect, which is the opposite of the halo effect). Persuaders try to associate their products with things we like, such as good-looking models, famous personalities, winners, success, health benefits, or sports events such as the Olympics.

 

How to reduce the negative impact of the liking principle

The liking principle can be misused by persuaders for personal gain, for example by using excessive flattery or pretending to share common interests with someone. Protecting ourselves from the negative consequences of biases can be tiresome and impractical, but it can be worth it when the stakes are high.

 

⚒️ Become aware of the liking principle

Becoming aware of the potential adverse influence of the liking principle is the first step in reducing its impact.

 

When you make an important decision where a likeable person tries to persuade you, take a step back to examine whether the influence of the liking principle could lead to adverse consequences for yourself or others. Ask yourself questions such as:

🤔 Do I focus more on the likeability of the persuader than on the information presented? Consider whether you give more weight to the likeability of the persuader than to the important details or critical aspects of the actual information being presented.

🤔 Would I make the same choice if the persuader was not so likeable? Consider whether you'd choose the same path if the persuader were less likeable.

🤔 Does the persuader’s likability cloud my rational judgment? Consider whether you find it difficult to objectively evaluate the information presented because of your positive feelings toward the persuader.

🤔 Am I placing excessive trust in the persuader based solely on sympathy? Consider whether you are inclined to trust the persuader's advice just because you like him or her.

🤔 Is this decision truly aligned with my needs and goals, life purpose and personal values? Assess whether the decision aligns with what you genuinely want or need, separate from the likeability of the persuader.

 

If you become aware that the influence of the liking principle may have negative consequences for yourself or others, take steps to mitigate its effects, allowing for a more objective evaluation of your options.  

 

⚒️ Assess the information objectively

Take a moment to step back and separate your feelings about the persuader from the information being presented. Assess the information objectively by focussing solely on the facts presented. Gather information and opinions from a variety of sources, not just the persuader, and seek advice from trusted individuals who can provide an objective perspective. Independently verify the persuader's claims or information.

 

Avoid making impulsive decisions. Give yourself time to reflect on and evaluate the information presented so you can make a more rational and less emotion-driven choice.

 

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In a world where likeability shapes our preferences, understanding its influence is important. By balancing emotional appeal with objective analysis, individuals can harness the positive aspects of likability while making decisions that are aligned with their needs and goals, life purpose and personal values.

 

References

Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion, by Robert B. Cialdini PhD

 

The Art of Thinking Clearly, Rolf Dobelli

 

How to Spot a Scam, Hidden Brain, by Shankar Vedantam, featuring Daniel Simons

My blogposts about influence are available here:

https://www.a3lifedesign.com/blog-english/category/Influence

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