How to change your habits to shape the kind of person you want to become.

How often do you struggle to change your habits to achieve personal goals?

What obstacles do you face when attempting to modify your habits?

Are you looking for a way to increase your chances of successfully reaching your personal goals?

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If you're not interested in the background on habits and just want practical tips, feel free to skip ahead to the section: How to build and dismantle habits. There, you'll find straightforward strategies to help you create or dismantle habits more effectively.

A habit is a behavior that has become automatic due to repeated practice, usually in the same context, reinforced by the reward you receive from it. For a habit to form, simply repeating a behavior isn't enough; a satisfying reward is necessary to motivate you to keep doing it. Like brushing your teeth every morning, which leaves a refreshing tingling sensation, going to the gym a few times a week, which makes you feel energized, or checking your phone when you receive a message, which provides a sense of connection. Habits are your brain’s default options—actions that happen outside your conscious thinking. Habits are about how you do things (effortless and automatic), not what you do. The ability to form habits is not unique to humans; all mammals possess this capacity.

Habits based on intentional problem-solving

Building a habit often starts with intentionally trying different solutions when you face a new problem, such as wanting to achieve a certain result. If a solution doesn’t work, you try another until you find one that does. Our brains are great at remembering the past to predict what will work in the future, recalling our practiced responses to problems we’ve solved before. Once you find a solution that works, you’re likely to repeat it whenever the problem arises. Solving the problem each time brings a rewarding sense of success and makes the behavior easier over time. This creates a cycle where the behavior is reinforced, making it more likely to turn into a habit over time. Due to repetition in the same context, a mental association develops between the trigger, response, and reward.  

For example, someone who wants to work out regularly might initially try jogging, strength training, or different workout times. When they find that a short, morning strength workout fits their schedule and leaves them feeling energized, they stick with it. The sense of accomplishment from each session strengthens the habit and builds a mental association between exercise and feeling good.

Habits based on repetition and association

Habits that are not based on intention often form when we repeat a behavior that feels rewarding in response to a certain trigger, without consciously deciding to make it a habit. For example, you might automatically reach for your phone every time you feel bored or stressed because it gives you a sense of relief. These habits can develop without us thinking about it and often go unnoticed until we realize they’ve become part of our daily routine. The more often the behavior is repeated in the same situation, the stronger the connection between the trigger, action, and reward becomes, turning the behavior into a habit.

Habits are mental shortcuts

Once a habit is established, it has become a mental shortcut that enables you to navigate similar situations with minimal conscious thought, akin to being on autopilot. For instance, if you experience boredom and find that scrolling through social media alleviates it, you may continue this behavior whenever you feel bored. Similarly, if you adopt the practice of drinking a glass of water each morning upon waking and notice it enhances your sense of refreshment, you are likely to maintain this habit. Over time, the initial reward may no longer be necessary, as the habit itself becomes its own form of reinforcement, requiring little conscious effort to sustain.

The primary aim of any habit is to address a problem with minimal effort. Habits enable you to act quickly without excessive deliberation, often rendering you unaware of the routines that shape your daily life. The habit formation process doesn’t distinguish between behaviors that are good or bad for you in the long run—it simply repeats whatever felt rewarding in the moment. While habits can be advantageous, allowing your mind to concentrate on other important tasks, they can also be detrimental if you find yourself unconsciously engaging in unhelpful behaviors, such as biting your nails or mindlessly scrolling through social media.

Your existing habits are not always the most effective choice in a given situation. When you act on autopilot, you tend to overlook other options that could serve you better. Ultimately, acting out of habit is easier and less effortful than making conscious decisions. This helps you move through daily life more efficiently, but it can also create a gap between what you consciously know and what you actually do out of habit.

The habitual self and the conscious self: Two sides of you

You can think of your mind as having two “selves”: the habitual self and the conscious self. The habitual self is like an autopilot, guiding you through daily routines without much thought. This is the part of you that automatically reaches for your phone, drives a familiar route, or performs any other action you’ve done repeatedly. These actions happen fast and naturally because they’re ingrained habits. The conscious self, on the other hand, steps in when you’re making decisions, solving problems, or setting goals. This side of you is more deliberate and reflective, helping you think through actions and decide what you want to achieve.

Some authors describe these “two selves” in different ways. James Clear, for instance, talks about the automatic mind (our habit-driven, unconscious responses) and the intentional mind (our goal-driven, reflective side). Psychologist Daniel Kahneman describes them as System 1 (the fast, instinctual part of the mind) and System 2 (the slower, logical part that kicks in when we need to make choices). Understanding these two “selves” can make it easier to recognize why change takes effort and how you can consciously shape new habits over time.

The importance of habits

Habits significantly influence the outcomes of our lives due to their consistent practice. The results we experience today are largely the result of the habits we have upheld over the past months or years.

👉 Habits are effortless and provide significant benefits by freeing precious cognitive resources, enabling focus on higher-order problem-solving. By automating routine behaviors, we reduce mental effort, allowing for more complex thinking and decision-making. This increased bandwidth can be directed toward addressing significant challenges, fostering creativity, and pursuing personal growth. Relying on established habits creates mental space to tackle life's complexities, ultimately enhancing our effectiveness and adaptability.

👉 Many people don’t realize how much their daily actions are shaped by habits. It’s estimated that 40 to 50 percent of what we do each day is driven by habit rather than conscious choice. This means that a large part of our behavior is automatic, often going unnoticed in the background of our lives. Many of our unconscious habits shape subsequent behaviors, steering us toward either desirable or undesirable outcomes. For instance, following your usual morning routine can establish a positive tone for the day and influence your decisions thereafter. Conversely, reaching for your phone to quickly check a message may lead to half an hour of mindlessly scrolling through social media. Similarly, opening a bag of chips with the intention of having just a few can result in consuming the entire bag within minutes.

👉 Habits facilitate adherence to positive routines with minimal reliance on willpower or self-control. Once established, they become the path of least resistance, helping to shield us from temptations as we operate on autopilot—whether we’re going to the gym, eating healthily, or brushing our teeth. However, the downside of habits is the potential to become ensnared in negative behavioral patterns. For instance, nail-biting may begin as a mechanism for alleviating stress, but with repetition, it can become a challenging habit to dismantle. Similarly, frequently reaching for a sugary snack when thirsty can evolve into a habit that is difficult to change, even when the desire to adopt healthier eating habits is present.

👉 When we’re stressed or tired, we tend to fall back on our habits—good, bad, or neutral—because they require no conscious mental effort. This makes it especially important to build habits that are good or beneficial for us in the long run, so that when we’re on autopilot, we’re still making choices that support our well-being.

👉 Habits are vital in emergency situations, as they enable us to respond swiftly and effectively without excessive deliberation. In a crisis, stress can overwhelm our conscious mind, making it harder to think clearly. Well-established habits are resilient; they can guide our actions in these moments because they’re not disrupted by stress. For instance, regularly conducting fire drills in schools or workplaces instills a habit of knowing the fastest exit routes. When a fire alarm sounds, individuals can react promptly, reducing panic and confusion. Similarly, a person who routinely practices first aid will instinctively know how to respond if someone is injured, whether it involves performing chest compressions and rescue breaths or calling for assistance. These automatic responses can be crucial when every second counts.

👉 Our conscious attention is often distracted by technology, particularly smartphones, prompting us to behave in habitual ways. We frequently check our phones habitually–scrolling  through social media or responding to notifications–leading us to miss important moments or tasks that need our attention. In a professional health setting, these habitual distractions can have serious consequences. For example, a healthcare worker might be so focused on their smartphone that they miss critical updates about a patient's condition, which could impact the quality of care. Similarly, using your phone while driving or walking can be dangerous; a driver who checks their messages may not notice a red light or a pedestrian crossing the street. In these situations, habitual phone use pulls our attention away from our immediate surroundings, increasing the risk of accidents and mistakes. While technology can enhance our lives, it can also distract us from what truly matters and lead to serious  consequences in our daily actions.

👉 One small change may seem insignificant in the moment. For instance, lifting weights just once at the gym will not noticeably increase muscle mass. However, small changes, when repeated over time, can yield substantial results. Consistently lifting weights three times a week for six months will undoubtedly lead to a significant increase in muscle mass. Similarly, a small adjustment in your daily habits can have a meaningful impact over the long term. Improving by just one percent each day for a year makes you thirty-seven times better, while a one percent decrease per day over the same period can bring you close to zero.

👉 Habits are not primarily about achieving external outcomes, such as weight loss or increased productivity. Rather, they play a crucial role in reinforcing a new identity by altering the narratives you tell yourself about the kind of person you are. The more you engage in a particular action, the more you strengthen the associated identity. Thus, the first question to consider is: What type of person do I aspire to become?

 

How long it takes to build or dismantle a habit

It can take time for a new behavior to become automatic, ranging from one day to several months. The time it takes depends on factors like motivation, the strength of the cue, how enjoyable the behavior is, its complexity, how rewarding it feels, how consistently it is repeated, and social support. Higher motivation, strong cues, consistent repetition, attractiveness, simplicity, immediate satisfaction, and strong social support help habits form more quickly.

Dismantling an old habit can take time, especially if it has been part of your routine for a long time. It may require weakening the cue, or making the behavior less attractive, more difficult, or less rewarding. If that doesn't work, you might need to replace the behavior with something more helpful. The longer a habit has been established, the more challenging it is to dismantle, as it takes time to replace old patterns with new ones.

Focus on your systems: The role of habits

To reach your goals in life, you need to follow systems or processes of organized steps or methods. Goals provide direction, but it’s your systems—and the habits within them—that determine your progress. Once you've set a goal, focus primarily on the systems and habits you'll use to achieve it. Good systems and habits make it easier and faster to reach your goals, while poor systems and habits can create obstacles or even hinder your success.

Willpower isn’t enough

Many people try to change their habits by relying on willpower and self-control. For example, they may try to stick to a strict diet by resisting tempting foods or attempt to start exercising daily by pushing themselves to go to the gym no matter how tired they feel. But willpower alone is usually not enough to make lasting changes, as it requires a lot of mental energy and gets depleted fairly quickly. When people struggle or fail, they often end up frustrated and blaming themselves, thinking it’s due to a flaw in their character. But it’s not their fault, and it says nothing about their worth as a person. In reality, building or breaking habits is about using effective strategies. By creating helpful cues, setting up the right environment, and making small, steady adjustments, people can change habits in a way that feels manageable and enjoyable.

The four-step habit model

According to James Clear's four-step habit loop, all habits progress through a feedback loop in the following order: cue, craving, response, and reward.

👉 The cue starts a craving by making you aware of a possible reward, which may include pleasure, relaxation, sense of accomplishment, relief from stress or anxiety, money, status, belonging, or personal satisfaction. Without the cue, the habitual behavior cannot start. For instance, seeing a notification on your phone can prompt a craving to check social media for social validation or approval. Similarly, the smell of freshly baked cookies might trigger a desire to indulge for personal enjoyment.

👉 Craving is the desire to obtain the potential reward. It is about the anticipation of some form of satisfaction and serves as the motivational force behind your behavior. You do not crave the habit itself, but rather the anticipated change in your inner state that the habit provides, such as feeling good, alert, relieved, or entertained. This desire motivates you to take action in order to bridge the gap between your current state and your desired state. Without a sufficient level of craving, you will lack the motivation or desire needed to respond.

👉 The response is the habit carried out to achieve the possible reward. You are unlikely to engage in the action if it demands more physical or mental effort than you are willing to invest. And if you cannot perform the behavior, you obviously cannot respond.

👉 The reward is the result of your response–the  satisfaction or benefit you receive after completing it. If the reward immediately satisfies your craving, it reinforces the behavior by signaling to your brain that this action is worth repeating.  For the brain to strongly link the cue with the reward, whether positive or negative, the reward needs to happen right away. Without an immediate and satisfying reward, you are unlikely to repeat the behavior. For example, you feel frustrated every time things don’t go your way (cue); you want to feel calm (craving), so you take a few slow, deep breaths (response), which immediately satisfies your craving for calmness (reward).

Some behaviors are intrinsically rewarding, like playing a musical instrument for enjoyment or exercising for the natural energy boost, meaning they provide satisfaction on their own without needing an additional reward after the behavior.

The four laws of behavior change

Based on his four-step habit model, James Clear developed a practical framework comprising four laws for cultivating desirable habits, along with their inverses for dismantling unwanted habits.

👉 The first law and its inverse (cue): Make the cue obvious or invisible

👉 The second law and its inverse (craving): Make behavior attractive or unattractive

👉 The third law and its inverse (response): Make behavior easy or difficult

👉 The fourth law and its inverse (reward): Make behavior satisfying or unsatisfying

The first three laws of behavior change increase the likelihood that a behavior will occur this time, while the fourth law raises the likelihood that it will be repeated next time. Conversely, the first three inverted laws reduce the likelihood of the behavior happening this time, and the inverted fourth law decreases the chance of it recurring.

🎯 To build a desired habit, ask yourself: How can I make it obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying?

🎯To dismantle an unwanted habit, ask yourself: How can I make it invisible, unattractive, difficult, and unsatisfying?

How to build and dismantle habits

We usually want to break and dismantle habits because we have personal goals we want to achieve. This structured approach guides you through each phase, beginning with defining your personal goal and desired identity, followed by examining your current habits, creating a detailed behavioral action plan, and finally, taking steps to put it into practice. By thoughtfully executing each step, you can ensure that your habits align with your goals and reinforce the person you aim to become. Through clear, actionable phases, this approach offers a reliable path to creating lasting, meaningful change.

⚒️ Set the personal goal you want to achieve

We usually want to create or dismantle habits because we have a personal goal in mind, like losing weight, exercising more, or saving for retirement. This goal gives us direction, helps us focus, and motivates us to act. Setting a goal is the first step in building or dismantling habits (or changing less frequent behavior).

For details see:

🔗 Mastering personal goal setting

⚒️ Determine the kind of person you want to be

Changing infrequent behaviors or building and dismantling habits is often challenging, partly because we approach change in the wrong order. Typically, we focus on outcomes—what we want to achieve—instead of starting at the level of identity, defining who we want to be. Building habits that don’t align with how we see ourselves is difficult. To effectively build or dismantle a habit, focus first on the type of person capable of achieving the desired outcome.

For details see:

🔗 Determine the kind of person you want to be

⚒️ Bring your daily habits to light

To change your unconscious and automatic habits, you first need to become aware of them. Increase your awareness by taking stock of your daily routines and evaluating whether each habit is beneficial, neutral, or detrimental in the long term.

For details see:

🔗 Bring your daily habits to light

⚒️ Create a plan to achieve your personal goal

Develop a behavioral action plan—a series of executable actions—to achieve your goal, build or dismantle habits, and align with your desired identity. This plan will highlight essential habits, detail strategies for handling potential obstacles, and include ways to celebrate small victories along the journey.

For details see:

🔗 Create a plan to achieve your personal goal

⚒️ Turn your behavioral plan into action

Now it’s time to turn your plan into action. Employing specific strategies can greatly enhance your success, including selecting an optimal start time, focusing on one habit at a time, beginning with small steps, celebrating incremental achievements, and periodically reviewing your goals and habits.

For details see:

🔗 Turn your behavioral plan into action

🎉👏🎈

Creating lasting change in your life is a process that combines thoughtful planning with consistent, intentional action. By following a structured approach that emphasizes goal setting, self-awareness, and the formation of supportive habits, you can move steadily toward becoming the person you aspire to be. Remember, meaningful change doesn’t happen overnight—it’s built on small, sustained efforts that align your actions with your deeper identity and personal values. Whether building new habits or dismantling unhelpful ones, each step you take brings you closer to lasting progress.

References

Atomic Habits, by James Clear

Read my summary of this book

 

How to Change, by Katy Milkman

Good Habits, Bad Habits, by Wendy Wood

Appendix A - Core principles of behavior change

Behavior change is rooted in understanding how habits are formed and sustained. By grasping these key principles, we can better shape our actions toward more productive and fulfilling routines. Here are some foundational principles:

👉 Goal: Goals provide direction by focusing our actions toward a specific outcome.

👉 Identity: Behaviors are more likely to stick when they align with our sense of self.

👉 Cue: Every habit is activated by noticing its cue.

👉 Craving: The anticipation of a rewarding outcome encourages us to take action.

👉 Response: The easier a behavior is to perform, the more likely we are to do it consistently.

👉 Reward: We tend to repeat behaviors that provide instant satisfaction and avoid those that do not.

👉 Consistency: A behavior becomes more automatic the more consistently you respond to its cue.

👉 Social environment: The behaviors of those around us impact our own.

👉 Physical environment: Our physical surroundings strongly impact our behaviors.

Appendix B – Cognitive biases involved

Here’s a list of human biases that significantly shape habits:

👉 Loss aversion: People experience the pain of losses more intensely than the pleasure of gains. This bias can make it difficult to abandon harmful habits, as the perceived “loss” of comfort or pleasure from the habit feels stronger than the potential benefits of change. For instance, a person may resist giving up an unhealthy snack habit because they focus on the immediate loss of enjoyment rather than the long-term health benefits.

👉 Optimism bias: People commonly believe they’re less likely than others to experience negative outcomes, leading to overconfidence in their ability to change habits. This often results in underestimating potential challenges.

👉 Present Bias: This bias drives individuals to prioritize immediate gratification over long-term benefits, leading to procrastination and impulsive decisions that hinder future goals. For example, someone may choose to binge-watch a show instead of studying for an important exam, despite knowing the latter yields better results.

👉 Social proof: Individuals are influenced by the behaviors of those around them. This bias can support positive habit change when peers model desirable behaviors, yet can also reinforce negative habits if one’s social group engages in them.

👉 Status quo bias: People tend to prefer stability over change, which can impede efforts to build new habits or dismantle old ones. The comfort of familiar routines often outweighs perceived benefits of change.

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