Feelings are not facts
Separate your subjective feelings from the objective facts of a situation.
How often have you made bad decisions because you treated your feelings as facts?
Are your political views based on facts or feelings?
How do you make sure your feelings aren't leading you astray?
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Feelings are how you consciously interpret and make sense of your body’s automatic reactions to things happening around you. For example, before giving a big presentation, your body might react with a racing heart and sweaty palms, which you might interpret as feeling anxious. Feelings are not facts—they are personal subjective interpretations and may not always match objective reality. They can be influenced by biases, past experiences, and current circumstances, whereas facts are typically verifiable and independent of individual perception. You can have your own feelings, but not your own facts.
Warning lights
Think of feelings like the warning lights on a car dashboard. Just as those lights alert you to potential issues with your car—like low fuel or engine trouble—feelings signal that something important might be going on inside or around you. They tell you to pay attention and possibly take action. However, just like a warning light might need more investigation to figure out the real problem, feelings also need to be understood before you react. Not every warning means something serious, but ignoring them can sometimes lead to bigger problems later.
Emotional reasoning
Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion where you think your feelings about a situation prove that something is true, even if the facts show otherwise. You ignore what's really happening because you mistake your feelings for facts and see them as evidence of reality. Keep in mind that just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean it reflects reality. This way of thinking often comes from negative thoughts, which are often involuntary, uncontrollable, or automatic in nature. A simple way to sum up emotional reasoning is to say, "I feel it, so it must be true."
Examples of emotional reasoning
👉 I feel guilty for making that mistake, so I must be guilty, even though the mistake was small and everyone makes errors from time to time.
👉 I feel unlovable because my relationship ended, so I must be unlovable, regardless of the fact that many people find love again and that the end of one relationship doesn’t define my worth.
👉 I feel worthless because I failed that exam, so I must be worthless, even though failing one exam doesn’t determine my overall abilities or value.
👉 I feel jealous, so my partner must have cheated on me, despite the fact that there is no evidence or reason to suspect infidelity and they have always been trustworthy.
👉 I feel anxious about this project, so I must not be doing a good job, despite the positive feedback I’ve received from my colleagues and the progress I’ve made.
👉 I feel mad at this person, so he must have done something hurtful, even though I don’t have any real evidence that he actually did anything wrong.
Thinking fast
Emotional reasoning comes from the brain's quick, automatic way of thinking. This type of thinking is fast and based on feelings rather than careful, logical thought. When we use this automatic process, our brain quickly makes sense of situations based on how we feel in the moment, without stopping to think through the facts or consider other viewpoints. While this instinctual response can be helpful in urgent situations, it can also lead to biased thinking and mistakes.
The effects of emotional reasoning are made even stronger by the WYSIATI (What You See Is All There Is) bias, where we base our judgments on the limited information right in front of us, ignoring what we don’t see or know. This makes it even easier to treat feelings as facts, leading us to believe and act in ways that might not match reality.
Negative consequences of emotional reasoning
Emotional reasoning can cloud our judgment and lead to negative outcomes, especially when we use the fast way of thinking in situations that require a slow, reasoned way of thinking:
👉 Selective attention to confirming evidence: When a strong feeling informs a belief, it can make you selectively focus on information that supports your feeling while ignoring evidence that contradicts it. For instance, if you feel distrust or anger toward political opponents, this feeling might lead you to believe that they are dishonest. As a result, you might only notice news stories, comments, or actions that seem to confirm your feeling, while overlooking examples of integrity or positive contributions, reinforcing your negative perception even if it’s not fully accurate. This can create a vicious cycle where your emotions drive you to see only the worst in your opponents, making it harder to find common ground or understand their perspective. Over time, this selective focus can deepen divisions and reinforce stereotypes, making constructive dialogue and cooperation even more difficult.
👉 Avoiding situations: When you let your feelings decide what's real, you might avoid certain situations. For example, if you feel anxious about something, you might avoid it because you assume it's dangerous, even if there's not much proof to support this, and end up missing out on valuable opportunities.
👉 Self-fulfilling prophecies: When you act based on a mistaken belief caused by your feelings, you might end up making that feeling become reality. For example, if you feel you can’t achieve a goal, you might believe you’ll fail no matter what, leading you to give up too soon and actually fail to reach your goal.
👉 Reinforcing negative feelings: When you let negative feelings drive your beliefs, it can make mental health issues worse by reinforcing these negative feelings. For example, if you think your anxiety will stop you from succeeding, you might avoid challenging situations because you’re afraid to fail. This can make your anxiety even worse over time and may contribute to feelings of depression, as you start to believe you’ll never overcome these challenges.
👉 Poor decision-making: Making choices based on your feelings rather than the facts can lead to bad results. For example, if you feel anxious about a relationship, you might think that breaking up is the best way to handle it, leading you to end things quickly without dealing with the real issues.
👉 Relationship strain: When you misinterpret situations based on your feelings, it can cause misunderstandings and conflicts in your relationships. For example, if you feel like your partner is ignoring you, you might think they don’t care anymore, which can make you pull away and become distant. This can end up creating more problems between you.
👉 Your past sabotaging your present: Sometimes, past experiences can affect how you handle things now. For example, if you experienced betrayal from a close friend before, you might feel distrustful of new people. This distrust leads you to believe that everyone will eventually let you down, causing you to mistrust new friends and struggle with forming deep, meaningful relationships.
How to reduce the negative impact of emotional reasoning
Learning to manage emotional reasoning can help you make clearer decisions and improve your emotional well-being.
⚒️ Don’t believe everything you feel
Remember that feelings are not the same as facts. Just because you feel worthless, useless, hopeless, or unlovable doesn't mean it's true. Understand that feelings are just that—feelings, not the truth, and not commands you have to obey. By understanding this, you can create some distance from these negative feelings. While this won’t make them disappear, it will help you stop believing in them completely. Be gently curious about your thoughts and feelings.
⚒️ Challenge your feelings
When a negative feeling arises that seems true, pause and question it. Ask yourself, "Is this really true?" or "Is there another way to look at this?" Factually describe the situation, and look for evidence that supports or contradicts your feeling. This helps you stop automatically believing every feeling you have.
⚒️ Allow unpleasant feelings to be
Let unpleasant feelings exist without trying to fight them. If you simply allow these feelings to be, they won’t cause you problems. Even though they may be uncomfortable, you’ll save your energy by not resisting them, which prevents extra stress or the urge to numb or distract yourself. This way, your feelings can naturally rise, fall, and pass depending on the situation. It’s like letting a beach ball float beside you while you swim or relax in the water, instead of struggling to keep it underwater.
By recognizing and addressing emotional reasoning, you can make more balanced decisions and develop a healthier understanding of your feelings and the world around you.
Additional tips
👉 Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when you experience negative feelings. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a friend. Recognize that everyone experiences negative feelings sometimes and that it's okay.
👉 Practice mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings in the present moment without judgment. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or simply focusing on your senses can help ground you and create a clearer perspective.
👉 Seek feedback from others: Sometimes talking to friends, family, or a counselor can provide a different perspective on your feelings. They can offer insights, helping you see things more clearly.
👉 Engage in positive activities: Do activities that bring you joy or relaxation. Engaging in hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or exercising can improve your mood and provide a break from negative thinking.
By incorporating these additional strategies, you can build a more resilient mindset and reduce the impact of emotional reasoning on your daily life.
References
Feelings are Not Facts, Psychology Today, by Victoria Maxwell
What’s “Emotional Reasoning”—And Why Is It Such a Problem?, Psychology Today, by Leon F Seltzer PhD
Please, Do Not Trust Your Feelings, Psychology Today, by Eric S. Jannazzo Ph.D.